BPDFamily.com

 My girlfriend of 10 months and I had a really big fight last week. She has always had a tendency to say hurtful things and make belittling comments about me before from time to time but this time I got really annoyed.  So upon hearing her I decided to walk away and go home. I told her she can't talk to me this way and left. She proceeded to follow me,  yelling and screaming. It was so loud and aggressive that everyone on the street stopped to watch. She processed to call me horrible names and throw things. I reacted calmly and told her she was scaring me. I told her I was worried that the people watching were going to call the police as they seem to be thinking of intervening. She accused me of abandoning her like a dog. 

This led to 2 days of abusive messages. She has been angry at me before for things that seem irrational and confusing but nothing so extreme. On the second day, she finally wrote to me to apologize and admitted that she had overreacted. She also admitted to me for the first time that she been diagnosed with BPD by her therapist a few months back. 
I knew she was going to therapy for her impulsivity problems and that she was going to a life skills group too but I never really realized the severity of the problem or her diagnosis until now.
After telling me, she also sent me a link about this disorder and had a book shipped to my house that is a guide to loving someone with BPD. She wrote that if I was to continue being with her that I need to know what I am "getting myself into". She finished off the letter that she felt guilty for not telling me before, that she was sorry for making me fall in love with someone like her and ended by saying that she believes that change and healing is possible.
It has been exactly a week since the incident. I am pretty heartbroken and still in complete shock (for lack of better words). We have been "taking a break" to think about things. We have communicated through messages almost every day.  I have been home almost everynight reading all that I can about BPD to help wrap my head around everything.
In our communication, it seems clear that she is still not feeling emotionally stable and that she is really going through a hard time. She wrote that she has never had such a strong aggressive public reaction in her life and that this scares her. Yesterday, she mentioned that she is considering checking herself into a clinic this weekend if she doesn't feel better because she needs someone to talk to (her therapist is away). She contacted me today to say that she feels better but wants us to meet this weekend to talk about everything. I am worried that it is too soon and that she will have another strong reaction. I have been trying to find information on how to handle all this. Any advice, suggestions or further readings would be greatly appreciated.
Thanks,
L.L.

Hi lady luck,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily.  I can see how it would take time for the news to settle in. I'm glad that you decided to join us, it helps to talk to others that have similarities.


She's still the same person that she was before she gave you the news, anyone could cause a scene in public right? It sounds like she regrets causing a scene. What do you think you'll do?

Hi LL and welcome


PWBPD are known to lie; really what occurs is they make up their own reality to fit their current emotion of the moment-to them feelings=facts, and it goes for the past, present, and future. Be very careful what you believe; always best to go by their ACTIONS, not their words as I'm sure you have experienced.

While you are learning about BPD, taking a break from your relationship (good thinking on your part to be hesitant to meet with her so soon), I would recommend you compare all of the good vs. the bad in your relationship: some find it helpful to write everything down for comparison.

If you decide you want to continue to try and make it work, I would say it is essential that she commits to years of therapy (ideally DBT) and you are willing to apply the tools needed, and sacrifice your needs, to manage the relationship.