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Almost a year to date that we divorced - NC since then. 

I never really wanted to divorce, but I couldn't do the craziness anymore.  She claimed to want an amicable divorce; one where she kept all the money, took all the credit for what went right, I took the fault for what went wrong with the understanding that she walked away because she wasn't happy - because of me I presume.  I would not go along with that story and stood up for myself and while that feels better than not having stood up for myself, it doesn't feel good.

She lives 10 minutes down the road and she is on Match and Meetup .com.  I get sick each time I see her profiles.  I saw her signed up for a singles event along with a guy she used to flirt with while we were married.  He tried to pick her up and she seemed to have no clue about the protocol of married women not going to single guys houses on a Friday night alone.

I feel lost - just simply lost.  no passion.  Have tentative plans to go to Fla. - by myself for the holiday - can't seem to pull the trigger on the decision.  No passion.  My foster parents live in a retirement community there and I have no desire to be around elderly's at Xmas - very depressing especially when I was just planning to have a family and am now single and they are bragging about grandkids.

Yes, I am complaining.  I really feel lost.  Just simply walking around confused unable to figure any plans for the holiday.

Anyone?

I also figured out why I was scared of her.

She loved me so much and I so wanted to tell her how she was hurting me and she kept turning it back on me.  At some point I felt the fear of losing a women I loved so much and knowing that I what I was going to explain would piss her off and alienate her even more.  That dynamic tapped into my inner child and what it was like with Mom. 

And after all that, she hates me anyway.

I am a great guy, but alone and feeling it.

The holidays are really tough, really triggering. I feel your pain. I'm coming up on my third christmas since the b/u, and this is the first one that I feel really good about. At a year post b/u I was still feeling pretty messy - I swear to you, it gets better.

If there's any way you can NOT see her profile on these different sites - DO IT. I think it would have sent me into a tailspin if I had seen them on a regular basis.

It takes a while to get your mojo back. Even if you don't "feel the passion" - take steps, make some movement. Go to Florida. Hang with friends. Nothing will every change if you're alone at home.

Me too. I see my ex's profile and it makes me feel sick to my stomach. Especially since he was signed up there less than a week after I kicked him out. (A friend told me, I didn't go stalking this time.)

The only think I could come up with is to block them, but they can still see your profile if they know what to look for. So if they know your screen name or if you met them on there to begin with. I thought about setting up entirely new profiles, then blocking my ex, just so I could be on those sites without having to "run into" him.

It's also hard not to go looking for their profiles. Because how dare they be out there dating like they are normal people?

Can you explain that more?

Hey joe

I am alone too, just me and my 2 best canine friends.
Try to stay away from social media, you know that the disorder will always repeat.
You have freedom being single, try to see the positive in the peace and ability to do what YOU feel like during the holidays; focus on the simple things in life you enjoy, take it one day at a time, be grateful for what so many others take for granted.

One day at a time brother!

Hi joeramabeme,

I'm sorry you are feeling lost. I can really understand and relate to your feelings of being alone. Holidays can be so tough. 

If you go visit your parents, can you take some time out and do something that will feel good just for you? Anything special in the area that you could explore, or something you've not had time to do on non-holiday time?

heartandwhole