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How to spot a liar


Date: Oct-2011(https://bpdfamily.com/book-covers/spacer.gif)Minutes: 18:50
How to spot a liar | Pamela Meyer

About the Author
Pamela Meyer holds an MBA from Harvard, an MA in Public Policy from Claremont Graduate School, and is a Certified Fraud Examiner. She has extensive training in the use of visual cues and psychology to detect deception and is one of the country’s leading experts on the science of deception.

Meyer majored in psychology and political science at Washington University in St. Louis, and earned a master's degree in public policy as a Coro fellow at Claremont Graduate University. She received an MBA from Harvard Business School in 1986.

Really interesting video. It's a really interesting subject.  I had not heard of the term "duping delight" before.  Shocking to see the difference between the mothers whose kids were murdered, one mother hiding the fact that she was the murderer.  I nearly spit out my coffee when she ended her description of her children's suffering with that smile.  

I also really like what Pamela Meyer says about lying taking two people.  That is so true!

So there is outright lying.  And then there's the little white lies we all tell.  But when dealing with the N/BPD in my life, when she gets into a mood, she twists and confabulates.  She's very religious, and very much into following rules.  So I don't know that she lies purposely.  With her, the saying "emotions equal truth" is how things are.  Reality doesn't seem to matter to her, even if the "reality" she makes up is contradictory.  Early on, I just let things go.  But I find letting it go harder and harder as time goes on.

Good information. I also liked the part that says lying takes two to people - there's  some validity to wanting to believe the other person more then you don't want to believe them. :)

I think this helps in the same way Brene Brown talks about connection; taking all the emotion out of it and applying research and science to it.

Balances it out.  

I came here from the suggestions header on the parents, siblings, and in-laws board.

I thought this was a very interesting and helpful presentation.

"Truth #1: Lying is a cooperative act." I think this is a great truth, I didn't think about it this way.

In a BPD context, I share this example. My UexBPDGF lied to me about her education. From her perspective and under the truth above, I think she did it for the simple reason that she wanted to grow a relationship with me to the point where she thought it wouldn't matter to me anymore what her education was.

I think, in her mind, the truth may have put the relationship at significant risk, hence, she lied to continue cooperation (in a romantic relationship). Therefore the lie was to allow that cooperation.

Perhaps the lie also functions to get cooperation from the non to continue being the caretaker?

Returning to the idea of how to spot a liar, I think when a non understands projection and what elements a pwBPD attempts to project, then spotting the lies becomes much easier--perhaps even entertaining. Because if the non understands what the pwBPD is trying to project, the lies actually told or 'coerced' into the conversation are seen not as information to move a conversation forward, but as tools a pwBPD uses to persuade the non of the projection's truthfulness. Therefore, the understanding of what projection is and how a pwBPD uses it may help a non not only spot the lies--but see them with such clarity that they seem naked.