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Title: How to "move on" Post by: faithhopebelle on December 18, 2016, 11:37:49 AM My husband has BPD. Even though things are significantly better than they used to be, even largely peaceful, one episode from him is all it takes for me to feel emotionally insecure and unsafe. He had a massive freak out on me last night, threatened to leave, and eventually cried himself to sleep with feelings of being worthless and a failure. Thing is, sleep generally "resets" him. He woke up this morning contrite and apologized for last night. For him as a BPD person, snapping between emotions is somehow normal. If i cry or otherwise express my distress at the abuse I just suffered, then I am not "moving on" or keeping on "trying." I am supposed to just suck it up and pretend like it never happened, and further, continue on loving, admiring, respecting and trusting him as a man and a husband, because that is what he needs. I guess to hell with what I need. (Sarcasm) How am I supposed to "just move on" after an episode? It's like he expects me to be somewhat BPD too.
Title: Re: How to "move on" Post by: drained1996 on December 20, 2016, 07:50:18 AM Hi faithhopebelle,
*welcome* It's a tough thing to deal with a loved one with BPD traits on a daily basis. It's mentally, emotionally and physically draining. Your story is familiar around here, and if you check out some of the other stories here you will find you are not alone. It's good to hear there has been improvement, does that mean he has or is doing therapy? Have you sought out a therapist to help guide you in this process? Many here have found a good professional invaluable in their journey. One thing many of us have learned is that we cannot change our person with BPD, but we can change how we react to and communicate with them. To the right of this page in the margin you will see some tools and lessons that can guide you in doing just that! Pay particular attention to setting boundaries. In your case do you think having some boundaries in place when he dysregulates could be of help? Removing yourself from the situation perhaps? Boundaries are there to help self protect. We all understand the difficult circumstances as many of us have or are experiencing almost exactly what you are going through. Here you will find knowledge, understanding, sharing and guidance. You have found the right place. Feel free to post any thoughts, feelings, or questions anytime. We are here. |