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Title: My girlfriend has BPD, and I would like some advice on how I can best help her. Post by: LennyGoldstein on December 19, 2016, 11:40:13 PM It seems quite common for BPD to make relationships very difficult, and I have previously been in such a relationship. But my current partner and I love each other very much, and we have a wonderful relationship. Her BPD doesn't interfere with that very much. However, she is still very unwell, and deeply unhappy. Obviously I would do anything to make her happy. I try very hard, and I do see results, but I feel I can do more.
I actually came to ask for feedback on an idea I have. She is sometimes resistant to treatment. She finds it hard to start seeing a new professional or to begin a new treatment, and if she does she finds it hard to make and keep appointments. I would very much like for her to give Dialectical Behavior Therapy a try, but between these treatment-resistant tendencies, her busy work life, and our quite poor financial situation, this simply isn't going to happen any time soon. So I would like to start familiarizing her with the program and the skills at home. Of course it is ideal for a professional to be involved, but as I said, that's not possible. However, I am very well informed about BPD, and I've been educating myself about DBT, and I am more than capable of making a difference until such a time as she can enter formal treatment. In short, my idea is to begin her education in an easy, comfortable way. I will write her one letter a week; like a serialized self-help book, with the obvious advantage of being written by somebody she loves who knows her better than anybody else in the world. I'd send a shorter letter along with it each week, just your usual letter from boyfriend to girlfriend, to make it a little more fun. You may be skeptical for many reasons, and I'm very open to suggestions and criticisms, but let me just say that I know her very well, and I know that she will easily commit to reading one letter a week from me. And beyond that, how much she gets into it is up to her. If she wants to just read it, and that's all, fine. If she wants to talk about it after and ask questions and explore the concepts, great. It's entirely up to her. What do you think? And if you like the idea, I'd also love some resources to help me out in writing this. (PS. I am actually a writer. I'll have no problem writing a whole book to make her happy. I love her) Title: Re: My girlfriend has BPD, and I would like some advice on how I can best help her. Post by: Naughty Nibbler on December 20, 2016, 11:32:05 AM Welcome LennyGoldstein: It's good to hear that you partner is receptive to help and that you have a desire to help her. Quote from: LennyGoldstein So I would like to start familiarizing her with the program and the skills at home. Of course it is ideal for a professional to be involved, but as I said, that's not possible. The links below lead to some information on DBT Self Help, that could be helpful for your partner and some other information that might be helpful for you. www.dbtselfhelp.com https://dbtskillstraining.wordpress.com/ www.borderlinepersonalitydisorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/08/Family-Guidelines-standard.pdf www.bipolarsjuk.se/pdf/Handbook%20in%20DBT%20Group.pdf A good place to start is with coping skills. This link to exercises to "Improve the Moment" might be helpful: www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/improve_the_moment_worksheet.html This Link leads to a "Panic List for Distress" www.dbtselfhelp.com/html/panic_list.html If a person can first learn some ways to self soothe, it can set the stage for further progress. Best wishes, |