BPDFamily.com

Hey guys,

This is my first time posting, I'm excited to see that there is a community that can lend some support. The reason I'm here is because my significant other has BPD. We've been together for 3 years, and married for about 2 months. We started to have major issues leading up to the wedding, but went along with the wedding anyways. After about two months, the ship is starting to sink but we just found out she is pregnant. We had an episode today and I feel extremely confused, helpless and alone. Is there anyone who can help me make sense of what is going on, and help me figure out what to do next?

Thanks in advance,

I am sorry you are having such a tough time. It is hard to feel so alone in these situations. Have you read the lessons here?   They helped me understand the disorder better.

Congratulations on the pregnancy. Some things are worth celebrating despite the circumstances.

Welcome Jay!

I'm pretty new as well. I often feel helpless and alone. My common-law husband suffers from BPD. We have one daughter together, she is 2 years old. I have two kids from a previous marriage. They are ages 9 and 12. I have been with my husband for 3 years now and it's just been getting worse and worse.

What's going on tonight at your house? It sounds like we have a few things in common so perhaps I can relate.


Take care of you,

Hey, thanks for the response, it's comforting knowing there are others in a similar situation. Yesterday we had a rather large episode, which started the way it usually does, with something extremely little.

I work from home and she is unemployed. I was in my office when she came downstairs after waking up (this was about 1PM in the afternoon) and when she came down she strung together a bunch of complaints about there being a bowl in the sink, and the counter not being wiped down. I was in the middle of work so responded with a quick 'Okay sorry I'll come clean it in a min" which apparently sounded "irritated" and she launched into an attack about how I'm ungrateful for how she picks up after me, etc.

During the attack she started speaking in that familiar way, which is just mean and demeaning, and eventually I got upset and started defending myself. The result of all this was her typical response, she fled to the bedroom, went under the covers, and began sobbing for almost 2 hours. At the end she told me to "get out" because she doesn't want to be around someone like me, so I had to pack up my computer and try to work from a local coffee shop. I finally came home later that evening because I had more work to do, and she texted me asking if I had an apology for her.

When I went up to talk to her, I told her that I didn't want to be in this kind of relationship, and that I was hitting a breaking point with the way things are. As I said before, we just found out she's pregnant (she's about 3 weeks). So when I confronted her about the way she was acting, she blamed a lot of it on being pregnant. Then I said this: "The problem is that I feel like you're using the pregnancy as a blanket statement to excuse everything you do or say thats wrong".

Well the ONLY thing she netted from this interacted was: "You don't want to be in this relationship anymore and you think this pregnancy is a problem".

She spent the last two hours of the night sobbing in bed, I slept in the other (my) room (I spend a lot of time there). I woke up this morning to start working and she just started sobbing again, I can hear her from downstairs. I tried to go console her, but she screamed at me and told me to get out.

Sorry for the long post, any advice?

Dude... .her being preggo means she has hormones flowing through her like crazy. I learned when my ex was preggo the best thing to say is "yes dear". I can't imagine dealing with a preggo BPD. I was wrong for 9 months, twice. HAHA. I never was very good about learning my lesson the first go round, but I have 2 beautiful sons because of it, and I wouldn't take anything for them. So in that sense, you are blessed.

For me it is easy to see what someone else does that could be different, but applying it to my own situation is difficult. I think you need a "work boundary" when you are working from home, especially since she isn't working. She likely won't respect it, my GF doesn't repect mine either. But she should let you do your job without bothering you about trivial matters, and that is the BPD stomping ground, taking a trivial matter and making into WW3.

Bless you, you are in for a rough 9 months. Just keep your focus on your coming newborn.