BPDFamily.com

 Does your BPD ex have custody? Or visitation rights if so are they supervised?

I don't trust my ex to have  unsupervised visitation because he's Heidi suicidal self harm and I was in a non-physical domestic violence relationship the ending of course. Another reason why I don't trust him to have unsupervised visits it because on more than one occasion  he admitted that he regrets our hild existence

Hi Dontknow88,

I don't have children myself, but based on what you've shared I understand why you have serious concerns about your ex.

To me it seems very wise to make your child's safety a top priority. Your ex has made some concerning and very hurtful remarks about regretting your child's existence. How would you describe the way your ex generally treats your child?

You mention your ex's suicidal tendencies and self-harming behaviors, has he been/is he being treated for this?

Hi Dontknow88,

I'd like to touch on what Kwamina with how he treats your child. A pwBPD have a tendency to exaggerate their emotions like a young child. I'm not saying that he didn't mean what he said, I'm offering my perspective. That said, I had D11, S7, S5 and I have shared custody with my ex wife.

Every pwBPD is a different person, with different personalities, traits and severity of the disorder. My ex is self absorbed and socially impaired but I can tell through her actions with the kids that she genuinely cares about them.

I chose shared custody because the kids have a r/s with her, it's their mother that's how they see her, they love her unconditionally and I didn't want to get in the way with that. Everyone's situation is different from one member to the next, it's not one size fits all.


I'm just going to play devil's advocate, if he meant this, it's unlikely that he wants to pursue custody, the child might be a source of share for him. You know him better that anyone on the boards. Are you offering him custody because you feel obligated?

We planned for this child so everything seems so off.

When he's around he just sobbed the whole time and apologizes to her son and when he's not crying he will try to play with our son but then he gets easily agitated and claims he cannot handle our son that he is too much work.

He sees a therapist but he has admitted to me that he doesn't tell his therapist that he is suicidal and that he self harm's because he doesn't want his therapist to think that he is "insane"

And it's weird in our separation agreement that we are currently going through he has asked me not to mention his mental illnesses of course I am not going to listen to him because I'm trying to put my child's safety first.

He also seriously abuses alcohol

I don't feel obligated but he is trying to guilt me.  For example we are going through a separation agreement right now and he has begged me not to tell my lawyer about his mental issues and all of the domestic abuse that I've went through (nonphysical I can tell you it was almost getting there) he does care about her son but I know that he cannot handle it, he has proof that on more than one occasion and admitted that himself. He said he will settle for supervise visitations but he thinks he should get our child by himself and from the way that I've got to know him I do not trust that. Even when we were together and I didn't know about his mental issues I realize that I would have to be the full-time stay-at-home mom and the most that he can handle is going to work and coming back home. I've watched him with his little cousins before I got pregnant and seen he was so easily frustrated by them. Even when he took care of his friends animals he offered to take care of his cousins two dogs for a week and after three hours he had enough and paid someone else to look after the dogs. Imagine a child now.


 It's better that I get full custody because our son lives with me he lives in another country

Hi dontknow88.

There are many warning bells with his statements and behaviors. How old is your son? I would absolutely insist on supervised visits, simply for the safety of your own son. It is not your ex's fault that he has a behavioral issue, but at the same time, I would not feel good about leaving my children with him. Please do everything that you can to protect your child until your ex establishes that he is stable and reliably cares for your son.

Hi DontKnow88,

I was thinking ab family court tonight and how difficult it was emotionally right after separation. I filed with the courts for shared custody because I was denied visitation rights. As tough as it was, it couldn't wait because the longer I took it would work against me. That being said.


I agree with takingand sending, he's worried, that's why he doesn't want you to mention his other side. I had to emotionally detach from my ex and treat the custody issues and family court like a business transaction. I know how hard it is when our ex partners emotionally blackmail us, it gets better with time. I had to put myself in my kids shoes and think about is best for them for the next few years until their preteens.

It's not like that for everyone, some people can cooperate with each other after the split and they can sort out together what's best for the kids. Your ex has social impairments, I would suggest to try to tune out the emotional blackmail, think about your S first in your decisions. I literally tuned out my ex with her demands and drama in court and I was always focused on and thinking in my kids perspective and what's best for them. I hope that helps.

Hello

I will im currently fighting for that now. Our son will be 1 year old next month. I don't feel my lawyer understands the severity of his condition (he's high functioning). I rather him pcompletely away than always letting out son down, abusing him and teaching him his ways

Thank you so much I really needed that. At the same time he's really delusional. He claims not to understand why I think supervised visatation is best (lawyer thinks I should make it for 2 years, PS I don't like his advice and thinks  he doesn't understand the severity ) and why I never want to see him again (cause of all the abuse and current abuse).

Thank you so much. I'm going to find another lawyer and hold nothing back for my sons safety sake.  One of my fear is that he will take this to court And they won't understand. He is so manipulative.