BPDFamily.com

   Anyone have some Christmas memories to share? Get them off your mind... .? I hear that finding dark humor in bad experiences can help ease the pain.  
  
 I was just remembering the last Christmas with my ex... .I had ordered a special Grill he wanted off the internet since I could not get it locally. Among the other things I got him... .this was a surprise. After the dreadful event... .I called the grill company and told them I needed to return the grill. They asked if there was a problem... .I said yes, I caught my husband in bed with another woman Christmas morning and he did not deserve a gift!  They were very understanding and I made my ex pay to ship it back. I bet they never heard that reason for a return before!   :) lol
    
    One other thing around Christmas was when I was selling things on eBay. I grabbed a box my ex had received something in (he was always buying stuff) and shipped an item out to someone that made a purchase from me. I never really looked in the bottom of the box. A couple weeks after the person received the item, I got a letter in the mail from an undisclosed person. It included a receipt for a sex toy with the most descriptive title! Very embarrassing I must say... .they just told me that I had left that in the box and thought I might want it back!  

    You just can't make this stuff up... . Life is so crazy with these people... .I was reminded by someone today how unhappy I was. We need to try and forget the fun, romantic, sexy people they can be and remember more of the reasons we can't be with them. People here don't seem to talk about that as much... .I think maybe we are afraid to say what we were dealing with, but I bet we would see it's not so unusual. I know people who have not been with a pwBPD think it's horrifying, but here we understand. We tend to go on and on about about missing them and feeling lonely, but maybe we really need to remind ourselves of the insanity that came with these relationships in order to move on. I don't mean dwell on them, just remind ourselves. That seems to help me when I feel sad. I feel that I should thank God that I don't have to go through it anymore. It's a tough one, but sitting around feeling blue on Christmas and feeling sorry for them is not helping us. Try and get real with yourself... .I think once we can accomplish that, we will be able to have a nice, drama free Christmas after all and enjoy it! Happy Holidays!

Good, post Herodias. I've been trying to list all the bad things about the relationship instead of thinking about the good thongs (which by the end were few and far between). It really does work. I was just remembering the time he yelled at me and put me down in front of his family just a few months before he left. His brother came up to me and told me I shouldn't let him talk that way to me. I just don't know why I didn't see it myself!

Your nailing this so hard.  While I will say the pity party we throw for ourselves on here- missing this or that about them, is a much better vent than ruminating in our heads and ending NC or taking them back, we all need to be oh so mindful of the dark side we easily forget. I had SO MANY friends looking at the relationship from the outside in like it was a freak show at the town carnival. they just didn't understand how i put up w it all.

worst part was these were people who love(d, for some) me but just got so uncomfortable cosigning my bullsh!t. They kept watching me go thru horrid traumas, cheats, physical abuse and lending a shoulder to cry upon... .only to see me run back and text them two weeks later saying "were just soo in love. its all so perfect. hes flawed, but hes the only man I'll ever love like this."

the funny thing is that for me- the holidays are a reminder of all this BPD dysfunction as well. 

2015 christmas we were broken up due to chronic cheating, then patched up by jan 1st... .only to have my eye socket and sinuses collapsed from physical abuse by jan 5 (reconstructive surgery shortly following)

2014 christmas, all was good in the relationship, except he had a paranoid psychotic break, attempted suicide twice, landed himself in a psych ward until late january.  came back all scarred up from his cuts.

2013 christmas- i found his secret email accounts, of which he was contacting over 250 different people for no-strings-attached sex on craigslist.  most of them old enough to our parent. many of them grosser than you could imagine.  and he fcked quite a few i've come to learn.

these people are toxic, sick, and prey on folks like us.  sure, we fall for their siren song, we are fixers, caretakers.  probably fantastic partners in the context of a healthy relationship.  but they run people like us into the ground until we are ourselves insane.

and we cant forget that, as easy it is to wax romantically over their positive traits.