BPDFamily.com

Hello Friends,

I'm pretty sure I was here many years ago but for the life of me, cannot remember the name I used.  Probably something clever.  I used to be pretty clever.  And why have I come back?  Because it's the eve of Christmas Eve and if I weren't so afraid my adult daughter with BPD and Bipolar and ex-drug addict and severe sleep apnea and almost nightly sleepwalker would either do harm to herself or burn my condo down while sleepwalking, I would be half way to the Pacific Ocean with my 30 year son (who has schizophrenia).

I held my breath while I typed that sentence.

The war has been on for months.  The battles are daily.

I have had 2 hours of sleep in 50 hours.

My son's voices have been terrible this week.

Alternating between feeling gut wrenching sympathy for my poor sick daughter and then wanting to wring her neck makes my stomach burn.

I know better than to fall in the traps but gawd almighty the choking sensation from fighting off the manipulation and trying not to react to "Well, I guess I'll be on the phone to grandpa tomorrow" and "But isn't my behavior a learned behavior from you?"  And all the other old familiar tapes of blame.

She sleepwalks almost every night, causing numerous kitchen hazards.  The laser beam alarm in front of the kitchen went off 7 times last night.  4:45 a.m., put the coffee on brew.

If I left at daybreak, I could be in Vegas by sun down.  If I left at day break, she could be in a hospital by sun down. 

If I spend one more day in war with her, I think my poor damaged heart will give out.  Rare heart condition. The doctors told me I probably wouldn't survive another attack.  My son needs me.

All I want for Christmas is to see my beloved Pacific Ocean.

I should probably sleep on it.  I wish I could.

Hi Helend,

*welcome*

Welcome back Helend... .so sorry it's under such stressful circumstances.  You'll find by poking around and reading the stories of others that you are not alone in your struggles.  Do you have anyone for support during this time?  Being alone in these circumstances can feel very confining, do you have a therapist that you see by chance?  Many here have found a professional to help guide them through some of the obstacles in our lives to be very helpful. 
One thing many of us have learned is that we cannot change our person with BPD, but we can change how we react to and communicate with them.  The tools and lessons in the right margin of this page are in place to help you learn how to do just that. 
It sounds like your daughter does not live with you, is that correct?  Feel fee to share any thoughts, feelings or questions... .we are here.