BPDFamily.com

Hi- I'm a mid 20s male and last year I was disagnosed with BPD. I've come a fair way since although I can still feel myself getting in a pretty bad way in certain circumstances. I've been seeing a psychologist and she has told me I've improved quite a bit.

I'd like some advice on a situation I'd like to resolve.

I was seeing a girl on and off from about mid 2012. Later that year she tried to cut her wrists and she ran to me to help her, which I did. She got into a relationship in March 2013- with another woman. But her and I continued seeing each other on and off until May 2015.

Over this time we got quite close and fell in love. I've not been in a committed relationship for years, but I was considering giving it a go with her. She was considering leaving her gf. Things were amazing between us yet very unstable because of my emotions. I couldn't trust her and as I fell for her more I caused a bit of drama.

In March 2015 she briefly kissed a guy at a party we were at. I got mad. She tried to drown herself. I dived in. We had sex the next morning and I was quite violent. She liked that usually but I was probably a bit more than I should've been. Then a few weeks later she was pregnant and had decided to have a termination. That drove a wedge between us and caused me to act like a monster toward her for a very long time.

She said I was abusive and manipulative and I see now I exhibited all the signs of BPD. I can see now that she tried to NC me and that I just kept pushing.

After we stopped seeing each other, on two occasions when drunk she told me she was still in love with me, most recently June this year. Otherwise however she's blocked me on most social media.

I've given her a lot of space in the past 6 months,  we've hardly spoken. Her gf and her have broken up also.

What I'd like to know is:
Is it possible she also has BPD? My therapist thinks so.
What can I do to win her back? I really want to give it a proper shot with her. There's still so much going on in my mind- can I trust her? And no doubt she's frightened by the way I abused and manipulated her in the aftermath of the termination. How can I prove that I want to make it work?

Hi Mintjulep,   

*welcome*

Props to you for working hard in therapy! She could be BPD, we're not professionals and can't diagnose, what we can look at are traits. A P won't diagnose someone that is not in the same room with them. That being said, like attracts like, generally a pwBPD will attract another pwBPD, pwNPD, pwBiP, depressives.

How long has she been NC with you? Is she seeing a T?

She was seeing a therapist for a while, I suspect that's who told her that I might have BPD and to follow it up. We've barely spoken in 6 months,  she's made it difficult on most social media to get in touch although I noticed that it seems to have been gradually relaxed in recent weeks. She had tried to shut me out before that but I would see her in person at events because we're involved in the same organizations.

Anyway I sent a very heartfelt Christmas message apologizing for how my actions impacted her. No response yet.

Hi Mintjulep,

She could be busy because of the holiday's, that's a good sign that she's relaxing certain means with getting in touch with social media, I wouldn't risk having more restrictions. What do you plan on doing?

I might also add that despite the relaxation of restrictions, I recently congratulated her on a post she made about a project she'd completed, just saying congrats. She deleted it. When I asked why she said it was because her ex gf would see it, and she promptly made it so i couldn't comment on posts again. I got a bit annoyed and offered to block her ex so she couldn't see but she basically said no. So I'm not sure what the point of relaxing the rules was tbh.

I can't do much. She moved overseas recently and she's back in my city for about a week from tonight. If she doesn't want to see me I guess I have to show I'm mature enough to respect that.