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I'm curious about this as hundreds of times I asked my ex to be respectful and I honestly don't think she was capable and she would justify her disrespectful behavior and say things like I was too sensitive and everyone gets hollered at now and then to justify her abuse. I dont believe any of her children respected her or each other either.


She respected me during idoliization but it seemed less and less during devaluation although there were moments when she idolized again. I don't  think she truly understood respect and had unrealistic expectations of the role of her partner. Did anyone else feel like their BPD partner was incapable of acting with basic respect?

I think this depends on the BPD individual. Their lack of boundaries and lack of restraint certainly makes it hard for them to respect anyones boundaries above their own needs. Does that mean they do not respect you as a person? Not necessarily. Sometimes they can, often they can't in my experience.

You can at least know it's valid to feel disrespected when you felt your boundaries being crossed based on the actions she chose to take. They always need to be reminded and they will always try to break boundaries if you let them.

I think it is a real struggle for them to have to compromise or consider others needs especially because theirs are always 'urgent' needs. They also normally overreact under stress. It is hard for them to be given a 'No' for those urgent needs. Them idealising and or showing their best behaviour doesn't really = being respectful to you either. It's just them feeling good and sharing those good feelings with you in the moment... just like they share their not so good ones.

Good point on idolizing not being respect. She would often say FU during fights and an hour later talk of marriage. Nice lady :) No one has ever talked  to me like that before