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Title: Intro Post Post by: pacostewart on December 25, 2016, 01:26:39 PM Even after 18 months, still issues « on: December 25, 2016, 01:22:10 PM » Reply with quoteQuote Modify messageModify Hello everyone, So I was tricked into a relationship with a uBPD Narcissist spouse. She lied about birth control and relationship status and ended up pregnant. I did DNA, the child was mine. We lived together, but I was unhappy and saw her issues, she split and had a ridiculous affair and moved out, my son was only a baby and I feared for his safety. I convinced her to return, she pushed and bullied me into finally marrying. For about 5 years after things were better - nowhere near a normal good relationship, my constant effort to support her and give in to her demands and needs - but not the constant anger and abuse and fighting. More just dealing with her passive neglect, occasional aggressive demands, once in a great while full crazy tantrums, constant impulsive spending and actions, utter laziness and refusal to keep house (she stayed home) and occasional white knighting. Which, looking back, even though I knew what it was, felt good and I fooled myself into believing I could change her and get to that point all the time, "if I could just"... . She then came up with a ridiculous, overblown quasi-affair in Summer of 2015. She didn't admit the affair, used my stepdaughter who may have similar issues as her as an excuse, going so far as to scream at her for "ruining her marriage", this time I was done. She moved out in Sept, then started love bombing and asking us over for dinner etc. I fell into it again to the point I thought if I could get her to give a few more "decent" years maybe our then 10 year old son could manage to be happier as the sep. seemed very hard on him, he stayed with me. She barely saw him, always excuses, we celebrated holidays at my house with her family again, I'm not even sure she didn't tell them she was back again. However, she was to move back after the holidays, I had told her she needed to get some therapy first and she didn't. We had a blow out on New Years Eve, I realized she wasn't coming back and I was so relieved as I knew inside I didn't want her to. Now she found a new boyfriend, moved from the apt. a block from my house about 30 miles away, and new guy is already serving as her personal assistant, I can literally see the cycle repeating. Hope to finalize divorce soon. Today, Christmas Day, pretty bittersweet. She picked up my son a few minutes ago, I haven't been alone for Christmas in many years, we always had kids and her whole family, big traditional dinner etc. First time I am even a bit jealous, knowing she is probably cooking a nice meal, spinning the phony web and they will have a nice Christmas meal while I sit here alone. But really, inside, I'm way better off, I didn't get the negative, drama laden, anxiety Christmas of the last years, and I can deal with the rest. Title: Re: Intro Post Post by: hope2727 on December 25, 2016, 01:47:02 PM So sorry you went through all this. It sounds like you are starting to rebuild in a healthier way for yourself and your son. I hope you find some support on the parenting boards here.
I am spending Christmas alone too. Its the first time for me this year. I am watching all the shows my ex resented and eating things he didn't like and having a blast as I clean out my house. I know it sounds weird but its remarkably peaceful. I hope you are able to do something peaceful for yourself too. Title: Re: Intro Post Post by: Turkish on December 25, 2016, 11:07:36 PM The back and forth sounds very stressful.
There's almost a year's gap between the NY blow out and now she picking up your son for Christmas. Did you work out a legal custody order within the last year? How old is your son and how has he been handling things? I'm alone on Christmas too, so Merry Christmas all the same. Turkish |