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Title: I also need to vent Post by: pgri8684 on December 25, 2016, 02:52:32 PM Sometimes you just need to vent... .so I apologize
Let me begin with a short summary: 6 months of intense relationship with an undiagnosed BPD coworker; dependency, honeymoon, idealization and co-dependency. We broke up because I was unable to survive such a level of drama and her permanent hostility towards the whole world except me. After the fantasy of love came the fantasy of friendship. We worked in the same building and it seemed possible to maintain some fair contact. She had found a replacement in just 6 weeks and lived another honeymoon. She used me as a confident. At this moment I was in the stage of ending an addiction. Listening to all her garbage without being concerned helped me enormously. Through my reading (this site) I understood much better my behavior as well as hers. I needed time to detach. I hate conflict so I always choose the soft way. She left the department in July and she began a new job 30 Km away; we went progressively low contact. Then very low contact. Just a minimalist email if she needed some information or advice. Never important, just to test the waters. Out of sight is out of mind: we went almost no contact and I began to heal. Three days ago was my birthday; At 10:30 PM she texted "By the way, happy Birthday I hope you got enough breath to blow the 60 candles, Yours... ." Sorry for the poor translation but it could not be more heartless. However the timing (so late in the evening) makes me think she had to struggle with herself to achieve such a piece of sh*t. She still uses my Netflix account, she keeps my old laptop and my hifi set. No shame, just entitlement. Poor unhappy girl, poor me… Now I’m angry and also angry against me. Title: Re: I also need to vent Post by: gotbushels on December 26, 2016, 05:15:23 AM Hi pgri8684
That's one calm venting message. :) Could you be specific about which part of this is upsetting you most? Title: Re: I also need to vent Post by: pgri8684 on December 26, 2016, 09:01:34 AM Hi Gotbushels
It's not easy to explain, it is a general feeling. I try to maintain the best possible relationship with her; I continue to listen, to help her when she asks me for a little service (writing a letter, fixing a software issue, ... .) The only problem we had in 12 months happened when I had to say no to the possibility of meeting her and her fiancé at a party. She was very angry and she expressed a lot of self-loathing, saying everybody rejected her and despised her. We usually speak friendly about her future, her kids, her holidays, her pets (she is a bit self-centered :) ) I hoped she wrote something more personal and friendly and not an email sent to anyone out of pure politeness. e.g. "Hello pgri, I hope you are well and that you have a good day; It did not work between us (your fault) but I hope you will also succeed in finding someone. You will soon be retired and it would be nice to have a good person by your side. Take care of you and see you soon" I'm angry against her because she simulates friendship and angry against me because I still think she can be a good person (the fantasy of friendship) |