BPDFamily.com

I'm back because I don't know where to go.  I'm giving escape one last chance before I call the suicide hotline.  My ex has me trapped in our house because of his abandonment issues.  His spending has me in so much debt that I cannot support myself without selling our house.  I've seen what bankruptcy can do.  I can't do that

I know that my ex's opinion of me does not make me who I am.  I don't know how to get over how I feel.  He beat me up today.  This is the third time.  The other two times the police came.  They didn't even ask me if I wanted to press charges.  He acts like an injured boy when they are here.  He won't let me throw away the furniture.  He went into a rage because I broke one of the coffee tables.  Yet me injured me.  I was bleeding and I can't hear in one ear.

I don't feel like I can tell anyone.  My friends want me to do things that will have cause rational reactions.  They can't comprehend that he is sick.  I don't have anyone that sees me as injured.  They all think I can handle this.  I can't.  Maybe I should be able to but I really can't.  I don't know why.

My dad used to beat me.  He was merciless.  It didn't matter if I was bleeding.  He said it was my fault.  My ex says that this is my fault.  He said I damaged objects of value.  but he doesn't feel for what he did to me.  For years my ex never hit me.  Now he's hit me 3 times in 6 months. 

No one feels for me.  I'm afraid I'm doomed to more relationships like this.  Maybe I really did do this to myself.  Why do I have to feel when I will never be able to have some one feel for me?  I don't want to be like my ex.  I don't want to find all these addictions so that I can push my feelings out of existence.  I see what happened to him.  I can't do what he did either. 

I go to work and try to lead my team to success, but I'm not going to make it much longer.  I can't rescue myself.  I never thought I would be here. 

Hi WendyDavid.  You are in a very scary position and I am glad you posted.  Do you have a safety plan already established?  You said you can't leave.  Is that because you are trapped financially or are you afraid he will become more violent?

Is there any way you can get to an ER to have your ear checked?  Do you have a phone so you can call 911 and tell the police you want to press charges?

Not sure what to say really.  I just want you to know you are being heard and that I care.

I'm so sorry to hear that WendyDavid. I know what it is like to hear that everything is your fault. My ex did the same. I don't have any advice but I can pray for you. I too wish that others understood what it is like to deal with a mentally unstable person better.

WendyDavid:   

I'm so sorry about what's happening to you.  Do you have someone who can take you somewhere to get checked out?  If not an emergency room, perhaps an urgent care facility?

Don't hesitate to reach out for more help.  Here are some resources to consider:

TEXT CRISIS LINE
www.crisistextline.org/how-it-works/

SUICIDE LIFELINE
https://suicidepreventionlifeline.org/#

SAFETY
SAFETY FIRST- CLICK HERE (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

DOMESTIC VIOLENCE:
https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61403.0

Do you feel trapped because of his abandonment issues, or are you physically trapped?  :)o you feel that he will get violent again, if you try to leave?

 How did the coffee table break?  


We care and feel for you     I'm so sorry that your father used to beat you.  It isn't your fault, that your father or your ex beats you.  It's never okay.

Don't hesitate to call your own resource, or the previously referenced phone number to talk to someone.  Sometimes, talking to someone on the phone can be more comforting.

Hi WendyDavid,

I'm so sorry to hear that. I'm glad to hear that you decided to post. You're not alone. Do you have an update for us?

WendyDavid,

This is a horrible thing to go through,  and on Christmas of all days.  

Tie you get a chance look at the last link that Naughty Nibbler posted?


It doesn't matter what you did.  He chose to beat you up.  He owns that behavior,  not you.  

What do you mean when you're giving escape one last chance,  do you have a plan? Escaping and returning without support can be very dangerous.  Can you call a local DV line for help? An anonymous,  caring person on the other end of the phone can help direct you how to keep safe while you develop a plan,  which they can help with as well.  :)o you think you can come up with a safety plan?

Safety First (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/safety_first.pdf)

Fearing bankruptcy is definitely a concern about your life in the long term,  but I'm concerned about your immediate safety.  

Turkish

Wendy, 

This is horrifying. I feel so much for you. My ex had me so entangled in his web of dysfunction, my sense of "normal" so completely subverted, that by the end of it all I was drinking the kool aid.

I believed if I just loved him harder, understood and responded to his sickness with greater empathy and validation, that it would become somehow manageable.

I bought that had I not said xyz, and instead said abc, that he would not hit me. In essence, I was taking blame upon myself for his abuse.

I can relate to how he would project this image of a wounded, childlike boy to near everyone around you. His family and friends, except for a token few, never saw through the act. To be honest, I would fall for it often too- even after seeing him for who he was, I would later rescind my conclusion and say "oh, well... .he is just so injured and innocent underneath it all."

The key phrase being underneath it all. Underneath a very horrible pattern of abuse, manipulation, rage... .he was also spending me into oblivion, which made detachment no way easier.

I don't want to project too much of my own experience onto yours. I cannot provide advice, but can surely identify.

plenty of respondents above me have offered great resources. I urge you to take full advantage of those and this forum for support.

Please seek medical attention as well. The human body is so very fragile and these people exert little control over their strength when raging. What I thought was a bad black eye from my BPD ex ended up being a collapsed socket, hemorrhaged sinuses and I required complex surgery to fix this long term. I had minimized the injury after receiving it because I was afraid, and it was easier to turn a blind eye and say "it can't be so bad".

Please take care of yourself first and foremost. The resources regarding safety here are great. We are all thinking of you and praying for you.

Don't be shy with law enforcement. If your unsure of how to represent yourself, find an advocate through a DV support resource - they will be able to help manage your case the best.

And really. My heart goes out to you Wendy. Know you have friends here.

Hi WendyDavid,

As awful as things must feel right now,  but look how many people have responded to your post, people care about you. You’re  a team leader, which suggest you’re good at your job, and I expect your team needs you. Just because these people know how to make us feel as low as low can go, doesn’t mean they’re right.  In this case you ex is quiet clearly out of order. I doubt anyone who has broken the BPD code and found this website, will repeat the mistake. You won’t.  Let us know how you’re getting on. 

Hi WendyDavid.  I've been thinking about you since last night.  I see lots of others have posted too.  Isn't this place great?  When you feel like no one hears you and no one cares, and then come here and get so much support, understanding and caring it is wonderful. 

When you can, come back and give us an update please.   

Hi Wendy

I too was at the lowest point in my life during my uBPD relationship/breakup. There were times when I didn't care what happened when trying to get any relief from the pain, the biggest factor in my decision to live was my 2 dogs, one is a rescue and I was determined not to abandon them.
Please realize that you aren't seeing things like you would if you weren't in the extreme pain you are in.
Get out ANY way you can, there are far more important things in life than money and status; so many people have no idea about what being rich or poor really means.
Let us know how you are Wendy.