BPDFamily.com

Hi folks,

After no contact since 14th November (beyond a random email from her a few days ago saying we were divorced) the BPD phoned me about an hour ago from an unknown number.  Her anger and rage was still there.

She has basically told me that she wants me to get checked for HIV (i was tested twice last year for every STD/HIV at her request to calm her before marriage ! I did the tests like a little lapdog and everything negative due to me not cheating on her etc).  She told me her HIV test results have been delayed by 9 days and so she is now thinking she has HIV and obviously I would be the one responsible in her eyes.

Dont know if it was a mistake but I agreed to go and test again just to confirm/prove no problems with me - I know if i dont she will be relentless.

She also blamed me for "fooking" it up with some new guy she had met ! She told me she had gone psycho on him but that he had treated her like a princess.

She actually called herself "a fooked up mess" and of course blamed me for making her a fooked up mess !

I can see she thought to mention the other guy treating her like a princess to make me jealous.

She also demanded i stop thinking about her because im sending negative feelings subconsciously across the atlantic ocean ! WTF

Just trying to process the conversation as really didnt expect it - but you know what just hearing her made me feel incredibly anxious / heart started beating fast and my voice sounded panicked.

She and her disorder are monsters

You got tested it was negative and you're no longer with her. Now is the time to move on. Each time you respond, you become an outlet to feed her craving for drama, and basically telling her it's ok for her to test you to confirm your still attached.  What is it exactly that you owe her?

Don't get tested again. She's controlled you enough. Try not to respond at all. I know it would be really hard not to though and it's easier said than done

That's hard when the ex bursts back onto the scene and all the mixed emotions that it stirs up.  I wouldn't be too quick to do anything she asks or tells you to do.  It just shows her how much control she still has over you.

When I contemplate the various situations in which I may need to have contact with my ex I'll also think about what I want to say to her.  Then I remind myself that anything said is completely futile.  There's nothing I can say to her that she'll hear and there's nothing she can say to me that I want to hear.  With a non-disordered person that statement wouldn't necessarily apply but in her case any words said would be a waste of breath and emotional energy so it's better to not engage.

Thanks for the responses folks,

I think the thought process I have - is that at least if i do have the test again it will give me closure in terms of her having less leverage over me and if she does have some infection she can not try to blame me for it as my tests will show clear.

The call was so so weird.

She actually called herself to quote  a "fooked up mess" and said again to quote "I went psycho on this guy" - referring to the other guy that had supposedly treated her like "a princess".

A part of me feels pity for her - she has effectively tortured me for so long / almost cost me my life due to the relentless abuse - but I really really do see now just how bad her mental problems are and how I never stood a chance against her.

Have you been with anybody besides her in the last 6 months? Cause otherwise your basically checking that whoever she's been with is clean.

This reminds me of the first time I was intimate with my BPDex.  Stupid me, and completely in the fog, I completely ignored the facts that she had a birth control device inserted and when I asked her to use protection she guided me to a drawer filled with condoms of different sizes and varieties.  First time I showered at her place, she had an assortment of male soaps, shaving creams, and body washes.  I denied that information as I thought I was special.

Do yourself a favor.  Go no contact with her.  Its proof enough that she's sexualy active with other people.  The last thing you need is to be blamed for her promiscuity.

Hey Coop

If you want to detach and get off the rollercoaster through hell just ignore her and maintain NC on your end.
Her being so concerned about HIV and STD's screams projection.
Take care of YOU bud!

Coop, ignore her. She's baiting you. This is all about her guilt and projecting it on to you.

You are divorced. She is overseas. She is no longer your problem. When you go NC they find someone else to bully. She will amp it up for awhile, say things in attempt to make you feel guilty but eventually she will go away.

Mark my words.

She's contacting you because she's "off" with this new guy (at the moment) and can't be alone. She's toying with you like a cat with a mouse.

Run and don't look back. Honestly, you owe her nothing. Take care of you!

 

I would get tested just to make sure for yourself not for her. HIV sometimes takes a while to show up in the body.

I would say if you do or don't do anything about anything "just to prove it to her" it won't matter. She will find something else. She is manipulating you to staying in contact with her. Remember: negative attention is still attention. She is a punitive 5 year old. Contact = abuse in your case and she has been pretty relentless.