|
Title: Another horrible xmas fight Post by: amapola on December 29, 2016, 04:54:13 PM My mother has BPD... .well, I believe she has it... .she will never be formally diagnosed as she will never admit that she has a problem. I had a therapist several years ago that directed me to the book "stop walking on eggshells". It was so enlightening to me. I couldn't believe what I was reading. There is actually a name for how my mother behaves and there are other people out there that experience what I have experienced. It was so validating and vindicating. After being able to put a name on it, I kind of put it aside and continued to tip toe around her. I don't live near her, so I only have to be around her a couple of times a year. Holidays are the worst and true to form, another holiday went awry. I'm now fully commited to learning as much as I can about BPD and also to learning about how I can take care of myself. After another horrible, ugly blow out, I'm left picking up the pieces and trying to figure out how I triggered her and how I can learn to be around her. She is getting older and I hate that we have no relationship and I even hate seeing her is so much pain, even though her pain manifests in awful name calling and blame. Just starting here.
Title: Re: Another horrible xmas fight Post by: Naughty Nibbler on December 29, 2016, 07:05:48 PM Welcome Amapola: I'm glad you joined the family here. I'm sorry about your mom and that you had another ugly blow out over the holidays. The name calling and blaming seem to be a universal problem for most of us. You might look into getting the "Stop Walking on Eggshells Workbook". I was just looking at my Kindle version today to rediscover it. It appears to have helpful things you can do for discovery and improvement. You might want to starting with the links below: (Click on the green words) FOG (https://bpdfamily.com/content/emotional-blackmail-fear-obligation-and-guilt-fog) BOUNDARIES (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=61684.0) There are, also, several links to helpful information to the right of this post. Check out some of the links mentioned and let us know what you think. We look forward to hearing more from you and interacting with you during the year to come. Hope 2017 is a better year for you. I think that if we help each other, it can't help but be better. Title: Re: Another horrible xmas fight Post by: Grandmotherbear on December 31, 2016, 05:06:55 PM Christmas was always a trigger for my BPD mother and my father to have horrible fights usually ending in either glasses full of eggnog and/or loaded dinner plates being shattered against the wall and left for me and my brother to clean up, even tho we were just in elementary school. "Important" life events such as wedding anniversaries, Christmas, birthdays, etc usually trigger psych crises in patients. You may feel you are to blame and if you can figure things out yu can make it better. You may be able to walk on eggshells in every day life but important events are a whole nother kettle of fish. Don't blame yourself if things are going well and then she falls apart at Xmas. Not your fault at all.
Hope we all ave a better 2017. |