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Title: Daughter Post by: AlyO on December 29, 2016, 09:37:47 PM My 21 year old daughter was diagnosed a few months ago. Now after more reading BPD describes her life to a T. I have tried everything I know to do. I go from feeling sorry for her to angry because I feel like she is constantly manipulating me and everyone around her. She is currently living with me and I feel bad but I can't emotionally keep living like this, I have emotionally given this everything only to feel used and mistreated. Any advice would be appreciated.
Title: Re: Daughter Post by: drained1996 on December 29, 2016, 11:36:36 PM AlyO,
*welcome* We are glad you found us, but are sorry to hear the circumstances you are facing. Having a loved on suffering from BPD in our lives can be very mentally, emotionally and physically draining... .notice my user name... .we understand. If you will look around at the stories others share you will find many similarities... .some in fact, you probably could have written yourself. Good news is that there are steps you can take to help better your situation. Many of us here have understood that we cannot change our person with BPD, but we can change how we react to and communicate with them. In the upper right hand margin of this page you will see some tools and lessons specifically designed to help you accomplish just that! It's not easy, not an overnight solution as it takes time and practice, but it will help. There are numerous tools on this site and if you look around you will find many that will fit your situation. Boundaries and limits is a good place to focus when dealing with a child with BPD. Good boundaries are a key in this, and learning how to set them (they don't necessarily need to be stated rules) and how to enforce them can go a long way. If you haven't already read the book Stop walking on Eggshells, that's a good start. Just curious, what are your biggest day to day issues you all face? You've found a great place for knowledge, understanding and sharing. Feel free to post any questions, thoughts, or feelings anytime. We are here to walk with you. Title: Re: Daughter Post by: Lollypop on December 30, 2016, 03:10:07 AM Hi there Alyo
I just wanted to say welcome. You must be feeling so tired of it all. It's like they sap everything out. My BPDs is now 26 but didn't get dx until he was nearly 25. He's bounced back and forward from our home a few times. It was so exhausting dealing with him and his behaviours, I tried everything I could to try and make him change and take responsibility for himself. He just wouldn't grow up. I just gave up and our home was a pretty miserable place. Our relationship was bad. I couldn't say anything right, I just made things worse. I couldn't say one good thing about him. I wanted him gone so I could have some peace. Once he got diagnosed I joined this forum. I found that knowledge is power. The more I learned about BPD then the more I understood his challenges and limitations. This really really helped me communicate better and I started to learn vital validation Skills. Importantly, I no longer react. I can see and even predict the triggers now. Our lives are very different and so much better, despite the problems. This forum and my new skills have changed our lives forever. my BPDs life won't be the one I hoped for, but he will have to learn how to live it the best way he can - independently. I hope that one day he will seek treatment. My BPDs had terrible financial management skills, amongst other traits. He's a quiet BPD and internalises. He still lives at home and drives us mad at times but we have hope now. What do you find difficult the most with your daughter at the moment? What kind of things do you need help with? Hugs L |