BPDFamily.com

Hope everyone's holiday was filled with mindfulness peace.

We had a wonderful visit with our DD who is in therapeutic boarding school 500 miles away. Now  I am extremely sad after leaving her. She is really starting to make progress and did a great job communicating and regulating herself during her first "home -like" visit in 7 months. We had to rent a house as we are scared to bring her back to her "home" environment and the element that she stayed with here.

The one thing she kept brining up was "when am I coming home". When do you know they are ready to come home? I know the school has a large say in when they think they are ready but are there other factors as well?

Any hints/tips on dealing with a child in residential is much appreciated.

I have no helpful hints or suggestions, I just wanted to pass along my best wishes.  The fact she is there, participating, and you can see progress is very heartwarming and encouraging.  I'm sure an experienced member will drop by and give their 2 cents... .
Improvement is worth enjoying as that is the ultimate goal... .to improve as we can... .all of us.   

I can definitely understand the sadness in returning your D back 500 miles away.  My D was in residential only a 45 min. car ride and I found it difficult!

Last Christmas my D spent in a hospital's locked psych ward, along with her sweet 16 b-day. At the time I told her she needs to get well so we can have a lifetime of holidays and b-days together.  Try to hold on to that, the big picture. 

It is wonderful she is making good progress and improving her communication, coping skills.  We too were often asked, when can I come home and I continued to tell her let's take one step at a time and see how things go. We would have monthly team meetings w/administration, CMO and discuss possibilities and ultimately completion is based on progress.  This is something you don't want to rush and want to see to the bright day when she is well on the way to healing and can safely, undoubtedly return to you full time.

All the best,

That is great news about your dd... .I have been where you are. My dd would ask when she was coming home constantly. I think for her it gave her a goal as she found it hard. Also she was very resistant too. It is understandable that she wants to know. There should be a clear treatment plan laid out and I do think you should be able to tell her something. The problem I saw when a date was given it that my dd stopped the work at that point so it is a double edged sword.

If your dd has begun home visit I would say her return home is getting closer. I do think you can talk to the doctors and ask that question. I think the hardest part is tolerating the discomfort we feel when they are away.

Thank you jellibeans - I appreciate you sharing your experience! It is definitely so hard with them far away.