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Defeated.

I feel completely defeated. I gave her absolutely everything I had, but it just didn't seem like she wanted any of it.

I'm really hoping that realizing this feeling will help me realize that she doesn't deserve me like everyone keeps saying.  Even she said that.

I hope that I can move forward from here.  I think everyday has been getting a little better.  At work tonight she was flirting with a girl in front of me and I was a little frustrated she was doing that, but I just didn't care.  At times I wish I could care about her, but she's exhausted everything I have I just can't care anymore.

I literally gave her everything, and I would have given her more but she would t let me.  I'm just sad cause until I find the right person, I will always wonder what a healthy relationship is like.

Hopefully by understandings this feeling I can move even further away from caring about her.

burnerin, I reacted to your using this particular word, and I can relate to this feeling very well.

Many times in a relationship like this we are at war. We alternate between being the enemy, the mediator, the ally. Sometimes we navigate between all of these at the same time. And our SO alternates too, seemingly without any resemblance of logic. And as you know, we're rarely if ever on the same page.

Speaking of war, I had this uncanny feeling the first week after my uBPDx abandoned me. She gave me the silent treatment, but it only felt like an ongoing war. There was no peace treaty.

I think your word of choice for describing how you feel is very fitting.

I know it's hard, and I've only just started detaching myself after sending the ex My Final E-mail, but maybe you could try putting it this way instead: "[... .]will help me realize that I deserve someone else[... .]" (I didn't mean to rewrite your post here). I understand you're hurting and probably have feelings of anger too, but that could maybe help in putting more focus on you ? Just a thought.  :)

Hang in and keep posting.
Keef