BPDFamily.com

I am new here. I have thought too much that I needed to find an outlet. My daughter is BPD. She is full of rage and violence and extreme hatred for me. My friends re-assure me that I have been a dedicated mom and there is no basis for her extreme hatred for me. I have moved 400 miles away to get away from her. I can't spend anytime with her as it is a constant, and I mean constant, stream of rude, nasty, hateful, vitriol that is just fabricated out of thin air.  It is surreal. She has beaten me up several times, once in public and onlookers were horrified. She say she never asked to be born so I have been to deal with it. I love her but I definitely do not like her. I am exhausted. I am divorced and her father is the same way--they feed off each other in their attack of me. She is my only child. She has driven away any potential boyfriends, she seems dead set on me being alone--she sabotaged everything and then tells me that I will end up dying sad and alone cause no one wants me. At this point, she may be right. I am exhausted, 33 years of help and it feels like I will never escape this abuse. She is sadistic, cruel, and accuses me of being BPD. I am no saint but I don't have the traits except for feeling empty and alone--she's made sure this is true. I just can't take this much longer. I have gotten so worn out that dying seems easier.  (No, I am not suicidal). I guess I am seeking feedback, validation, encouragement as I am dangling from a thread. Is it normal to feel totally confused by all of this? She has systematically communicated with all of my family and my close friends to drive them away from being any support. It is like she wants me in a glass box and put aside from everything in life except for when she needs or wants me (usually $, favor, screaming, never just normal stuff).

Just need encouragement. I am soo exhausted.

Thanks, Liv

Hi Liv

I cried when I read your post because it mirrors my experience completely. I am new here and I'm here out of complete desperation.
My son is 32 and was diagnosed with traits of BPD 3 yrs ago. He also abuses drugs and alcohol. I am the only person he has left and I'm now getting increasingly concerned about my safety as when he has class A drugs he exacerbates his symptoms 10 fold. I'm held to ransome for money and if I broach the subject he gets very aggressive and threatens either me personally or that he's going to kill himself. I play Russian roulette almost daily and the more I stand my ground the more he ups the ante.
I would love to just run away as I too have got to the point where I don't even want to contemplate living out the rest of my days like this.

I am glad and sad that you identified so much with my post. My daughter has plenty of drug friends and just  friend-friends.  She does not treat any of them like she does me. I am apparently the target. The only time I take a backseat at being the bad guy is when she is angry at her most recent boyfriend. I am the one that has limited friends as she has playèd mind games and smear campaign with anyone important to me. She picks a person and wears them down until I get feedback of them not wanting it in their life.  My anxiety levels is so sky high when I have to see her or she calls. It is always a crisis. This is a horrific feeling. Setting boundaries doesn't do a thing. Like you mentioned, she only ups the ante. She would love it if I killed myself, that's sad but true. Funny, it just makes me want to live a long time--that may be mean but I cant believe this is my life. I have moved and she only has my work #. I have to do it for my own sanity. Please hang in there. Jusy know that you arent alone.