BPDFamily.com

  . I am a female just 40 just started dating my body guy 9 months ago.  He moved right in.  Over this course he has cheated 2x with his ex gf, he has accused me of having someone else, he has tried to get in the way of friends, work, he has lied. He has lied about things he didn't even have to nlie about.  The other side , he coddled me, he put me in his peddasle, he did so much for the kids and I.  I am a busy single mom with a demanding job.  Initially, I thought I wasn't paying enough attention. Until, I realised something was wrong , really wrong.  He lived with me until Dec 3. I was working that weekend and he drank and in 10 mins (I seen txts) desired to go run to ex for sex. She was abkivious as well and took him after 6 months , was 6 months since last encounter , in 10 mins.  He went to her house, made promises.  He then wanted to come home the Sunday. And was in shock and devastated to find all of his belongings in my new shed out back.   He begged to come back, lied and said he didn't do anything wrong, lied about his whereabouts, when I was form, he called his mother to get his stuff, he txt his ex back pleading to come back as he wanted to make it work this time.  He stayed 5 days. By the 3rd day he cried putting in a show for her and moved to his mother's   he was txting me the whole time wanting back.  What's wrong with me for even talking to him. Well, there's a reason for everything.  He cried when he left her house but when he met for coffee with me, vowed again never to do it again and blamed being drunk.  He can't live with me.  But was coming around Christmas. The Friday before Christmas he was at my house we were going to bake with the kids.  He was drinking , I had wine. A friend of mine came over  , he was rude to her.  When she asked if I had plans boxing day , he piped up and said that's our day . He knew I wasn't happy and everytime he drank he started something. I was with another etc.  He knew I wasn't happy with his behaviour. He is currently in therapy for depression and as he says trying to love himself. Had one season so far.  He was listening to affirmations after he went in my room. That the therapist gave him.  I gently asked him to leave after my friend left. I called a cab, he threatened suicide asked where Tylenol was . Cab came , I paid for the cab and he muttered how I won't have to  worry about him in the morning.  I called 911.  He took 20 Tylenol es I guess, 911 never found him, he called his family to take him to the hosp. He was kept over nite and evaluated and given trazodone as needed and will see a psychiatrist regularly.  Because of this episode he can't be around my kids. He can't be alone, he needs his own place , his mom wants him independant.  He's never done with in 43 years always woman to woman or at his mom's. He appears so normal . He landed first legit job in years in beginning of Nov.  He has crossed boundaries enough for me to walk away. I chose to see him.  He has went from.luving with me full time, to living at his mom's and now i can only see him when I don't have my children's which will be 2 evenings every 2 weeks.  My friends think I'm nuts. I think I am as well as I know he can't be alone and in that 2 weeks, maybe he will fill his void with someone new . He always says "I wanna fix me, then us" he is so worried about us , he doesn't think of his kids.  I found that odd. The stories from ex and what I have been through , I have a very Ty string suspicion he has BPD. No told him. I said with proper treatment, he will feel better. He is willing to do what it takes.  So at arm's length , I wait and see and hope.

Hi lovesmyBPD,

*welcome*

I'd like to welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm glad to hear that he's willing to go to therapy. When does it start? It sounds like you're doing right. With boundaries. I would feel worried too with the frequency that you're seeing each other, on the other hand it gives you adequate space.

I can also see how friends and family can embarass loved ones with their comments, they probably mean right, it's easy to look from the outside in and give instructions, but the recipe is never that straight forward. It's your r/s not theirs.

I want to join Mutt in welcoming you!

You said that you have not told him that you suspect that he has BPD? Good, don't. It probably won't help anyway.

For what it's worth, I am willing to bet that most, if not all, of us on this board can understand the "feeling nuts" about all of it. My personal opinion is that none of us really are. It can just be hard to completely understand our motivations when we are stuck in the fog.

Have you considered counseling for yourself to help you deal with the emotional roller coaster that comes with all of this?