BPDFamily.com

I'm trying to cope with all these intense feelings from ending a year long affair with a woman who is undiagnosed BPD.

Everything was as good as it had ever been, then suddenly she shut down for no apparent reason. The relationship fell apart in a matter of days and we're not exactly on speaking terms right now.

I'm so torn, because when things were good, it was the best relationship I've ever had in my life. I'd never been happier. When I think about that, I feel like I'd do anything to get her back.

But then there were the bad times, when I was miserable. And worse than miserable, I felt alone, because she became entirely apathetic to my feelings if they were at all negative. When I think about that, I feel thankful it's over.

But I just can't stop thinking about about her. I can't help thinking at if I would've just held on, things would've gotten better again. I keep thinking I made a mistake.

I can't stop thinking about what she must be thinking and doing. If she's thinking about me. If she hates me and is over me already. It's hard imagining her moving on and being with someone else.

There's so much on my mind, and one thought pulls me in one direction and another pulls me in the opposite direction. I'm tearing myself in two and I can't stop myself.

I think if I could just talk about it, I could sort through all the thoughts swirling around in my head and make some sense of it all. But she was my best friend and I've got no one else I could talk to.

That's why I thought to come here. Please let me now what you need to know to get a dialogue going. That's what I need.

Hi BurnerDD,

*welcome*

I'm sorry to hear that. Breaking up with a pwBPD leaves a lot of unresolved feelings and it can feel incredibly hard to move. I don't know if you feel the same as I did but I had never gone through so much pain, I didn't think that I would heal. You've come to the right place, it helps to talk to people that can relate with these feelings and get it, it also helps to talk about your experience and make sense of the whole thing.

Everyone is different and their situations are theirs but if you read other discussions i'm sure that you'll see similarities with your situation. Everyone heals in their own way, there's no right way to do it. Finally read as much as you can about the disorder, find out why she display apathy amongst other behaviors, depersonalize and become indifferent to the behaviors.

You said she shut down for no apparent reason.  What happened after you observed this,  and how did subsequent conversations go which resulted in the break up?

Also,  what leading up to this made you suspect she has BPD traits?