BPDFamily.com

I am always triggered by the holidays, with my two daughters being severely alienated from me. This Christmas marked the 5th that I have spent without seeing them, and it just does not get any easier.

That said, I was pondering patterns in xW's FOO that appear to show not just a history of PDs, but of a very specific and damaging behavior.  I was wondering if anyone else had seen such going back in time.

xW's grandmother, who I only met as an elderly woman, still carried significant anger regarding her (deceased) husband's family. I listened many times to her rail on how they were "no good", and I heard from others how she had completely severed any relationship with them. Grandma's children, hence, grew  up with no contact with their father's family. Grandpa, who I only knew for a short time, was described to me by family members as being primarily devoted to "keeping Grandma from being mad".   So, there is generation #1.

xW's mother (my xMIL), besides being one of the angriest people I ever met, had completely severed relationship with her husband's (my xFIL) family. Many times I heard her describe them in terribly demeaning and insulting terms, and her children (including xW) all enthusiastically parroted her opinion, even though they had at best minimal exposure during their earliest years.  xW and her siblings, hence, grew up with no contact with their father's family. Generation #2 now covered.

My mother was never an easy person, but not nearly as nasty, intrusive and destructive as MIL. But xW constantly treated her derisively, particularly once we had kids, referring to her as "cat lady" to brand her to the children. My brother (only other FOO for me) was similarly diminished continually.  I sadly appeased much of this, choosing such vs a continual battle, and again, Mom had her difficult traits - it did not seem like such a tough "choice" for me. (I am glad I had the chance to acknowledge and apologize for my role in this estrangement, and we were probably closer in the last 2 years than ever)

Once xW moved ahead in divorce mode, my children had been fully alienated from my FOO, they ignored Christmas cards sent here (with checks), and last summer refused to even visit her during her final stay in a (local) hospital, ignoring repeated requests from me.  My mother passed away having not seen her only grandchildren in over five years. So that winds up Gen #3.

Three generations of family, all evolving (sic) to the total severing of the father's family.  When I finally pieced this all together the similarity was striking.

btw, I was the only one to be divorced, which I credit no-fault divorce with enabling. Both FIL and Grandpa were terribly whipped.  I guess I missed or ignored the flags  red-flag .

Just musing here - and wondering if anyone else experienced or observed similar multi-generation toxicity.

Happy New Year.

Yes, the ex wife's have the pattern going back 5 generations.  It started in the 1900's when 2 orphans met, married and had a baby before turning 18.  The machine is still rolling including the latest one but due to the alienation there is no way to reveal it (through genealogy)

I have been reading about epi genetics which talks about inheritable traits if you want to research it.

Oh Yeah.

The  ancestral part.

https://goo.gl/HGyEcb

I'm doing this work.

After complete takedown by UXBPD and the system.

Nona,

That link doesn't work for me?

Gosh I would love to hear more about that story. The way you wrote it gave me a chuckle. I apologize as you probably were not trying to be funny.

Yes, wow !... .I too can relate to multi-generational dysfunctional metrics... .both in my previous marriage, and as well the marriage I am in now... .maybe one day I will learn to see the red flags, and avoid avoid avoid... .I am burning the candle at both ends now though, as I am 50 years old now... .the first marriage family had some pretty bad stuff going on, I won't go into it here, but it was the worst forms of abuse... .this second one seems to get more "un-earthed" as I go along, I spent 21 years married to my first wife, and then a five year break, and now I have been re-married for almost ten years this time... .this secnd marriage family tree seems to have a lot of NPD / BPD & HPD going on in it, overbearing and controlling females, that have passive, pecked, and controlled husbands... .family gatherings are always full of much drama... .

In my uBPDw's family there is a lot of mental illness. I am sure that affected marriages but she is estranged from all her family and there is not a lot of information there. This is my only marriage where there has been this familial connection. First two NO. Nothing.