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Title: Discouraged but hopeful Post by: second chance on January 03, 2017, 07:02:45 PM HI. I'm not really good at introductions or sharing my feelings with strangers, but I hope in time to find that I can open up here.
I have been in a relationship with a BPD partner for a little over 5 years. There are very many things I love about him, but then there are the things that make me so angry and stressed out that I just don't want to see him. He is not physically, nor has he ever been physically abusive but the verbal berating is a common thing. Today is my Birhtday and he woke up in one of his "moods". This often happens around special occassions (birthdays, Christmas, vacations). I was looking forward to a nice supper out and was "walking on eggshells" all day to keep the pressure down. Finally we arrive at the restaurant (the one I chose) and he let me off at the door. He parked the car while I waited just inside for him. When he came in the first thing he said was "It's obvious that you don't want to eat here!" I replied "Yes, I do" He says "No. You're just standing there and I can tell you don't want to be here". So I simply said "Then I'm going home." He said that was great and headed back to the car. On the way home the only words he spoke were "Happy *** Birthday. This is not the first time this has happened (or situations simular). It is so painful because I KNOW he really wanted to take me out for my Birthday. Now, tomorrow, he will expect me to act like nothing happened and that't where I get confused and don't know what to do. What can anyone offer me to help me through these situations. Title: Re: Discouraged but hopeful Post by: Tattered Heart on January 04, 2017, 07:49:07 AM WElcome to the board and happy belated birthday. I'm sorry that your dinner didn't go as planned. I think many of us here have seen special occasions turn into times for disaster, hurtful words, and hurt feelings. It's hard for pwBPD to allow others to have the attention and for them to let others enjoy things becuase they have such a hard time enjoying it themselves. I wonder if your pwBPD was projecting onto you. He didn't really want to have dinner at that place so he accused you of not wanting to have dinner there.
For myself I try not to walk on egg shells anymore. He is going to blow up if he is going to blow up. I try not to change my behavior to match his. And sometimes tiptoeing around him just makes it worse. I would suggest that you start by reading the lessons on the right side of the page. YOu will learn a lot about BPD and how you can learn to cope with living with someone with BPD. I used to celebrate my birthday, but I've since stopped. I would rather not have a big deal made out of my day than to have it ruined by my uBPDh. |