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Title: When do you just walk away Post by: Ktgrn on January 03, 2017, 11:27:50 PM Hello my mother has BPD she also cuts. I've been dealing with my whole life. I have 3 siblings we each deal with her in our own way. My eldest brother is her go to and he is always there for her and she uses that. My middle brother hasn't talked to her in 5 years. I've taken a calm approach but when she called to just yell or cry I don't answer.
I'm 28 and just had my first child, my mother's first grandbaby. In the 9 months since she was born my moms behavior has gotten worse. I could write a book on the Last 9 months. I like 11 hours away. But I'm starting to think I might be best just to cut communication. I will not let my daughter be exposed to my mom. Am I wrong to think that way? I have a right to protect my child. Title: Re: When do you just walk away Post by: Kwamina on January 04, 2017, 08:18:00 AM Hi Ktgrn,
Welcome to bpdfamily You indeed have the right and responsibility to protect your child (and yourself) from harmful influences. Your mother's behavior sounds quite concerning, I am sorry you have been dealing with this for so long. I can imagine how horrible it must be knowing and possibly seeing that your mother cuts herself. Has your mother been officially diagnosed with BPD? Has she ever gotten any targeted treatment/therapy for her issues including the cutting? We describe some communication techniques on this site that you too might benefit from such as validation and S.E.T.: Validation (https://bpdfamily.com/content/communication-skills-dont-be-invalidating) Express your truth - S.E.T.: Support, Empathy, Truth (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=143695.0) These structured ways of communicating help minimize the likelihood of (further) conflict, while maximizing the likelihood of getting through to our BPD family-member. Following these communication patterns can also help us stay more calm ourselves. There are also other techniques described on this site, such as D.E.A.R.M.A.N. Were you already familiar with any of these techniques? Sorry your mother has made it difficult for you these last 9 months, that is very unfortunate. But still, congrats on having your first child! :) The Board Parrot Title: Re: When do you just walk away Post by: Ktgrn on January 04, 2017, 11:25:09 AM Yes she was dignosed quite some time ago. She's been to every kind of treatment and counciling. In my 28 years I have seen little change or improvement with her. Mabye the only change is she has to change her ways to get attention, now that all her kids have moved out and have thier own lives. She leans on my oldest brother the most, and I fear she is going to cause huge issues in his relationship and business cus he stops everything to enable her.
Title: Re: When do you just walk away Post by: madmoxxi on January 04, 2017, 12:58:21 PM Ok I'm new to the whole BPD forums thing- but I do know you have a right to protect your daughter (congrats, btw!). My own mother is undx'd BPD and my roommate is a dx'd BPD who self harms so much. So I can see both sides. I would never and will never let my roommate near my child, and you are totally in your right to want to do the same thing with your child. I wouldn't be outright about it- I'd make it gradual and still let her see her(supervised) but since she's 11 hours away, I don't see her coming down a lot. I'm sorry you're going through this.
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