BPDFamily.com

I'm in a living hell right now.

Separated since July from BPDw (and mother of our 4 year old son) after a huge argument that also included her admitting an affair with a 13 year older married (father of 4, grandfather of 1) friend.
They're now together (he separated in October) and she's claiming it only began in November.

I still love my wife and want to put my family back together but I'm painted black. She truly seems to believe that there's a future with this guy.

Hi Aussieguy-

I'm sorry you're in the middle of that, and good for you for coming here to help address it.  Do you have custody of your son or do you get to see him frequently?

I was the parent who had the majority of time with our son. BPDexw triangulated with work, then her lover.

I see him every 2nd weekend under the interim custody orders. No date yet for family court until court resumes next week.

I'm sorry Aussie, that must be very difficult on you and your son as well.  You might also check out the Coparenting and Family Law boards here for support as well.  How are you doing today with all of this?

I oscillate between accepting that her mental illness is the root of it all and beating myself up emotionally because I just want to fix my broken family and go back to being loved by her again.

I'm forced to look at it as though the woman I married and had a child with has died. There has been only 6 days in the last 5 months where I've seen the woman who was my best friend again, then the cycle takes 2 days from her being honest and vulnerable to all out vitriolic hatred and her compulsion to destroy me and our life we had built returns.

As much as I hate to admit it, I wish she would cycle and go back to loving me.

She's the outward acting, silent, high functioning BPD type.

The only relationship affected was ours, otherwise outwardly it appears she's normal to everyone else.

not to hi-jack your post, i am going through something similar, so i feel your pain, mine, mother of 4 left for a stranger, moved in with him few months and now calling this guy daddy to my kids. atleast you getting to see your kids. mine dragging the kids into the mess. first it was lies that i beat her (Arrested twice, still fighting in court), and now when she is exposed cause i have her audio, admitting her self inflicting injuries, now she dragging the kids that iw asnt a good father.

i understand its very very painful. imagine the guy my wife is posts nothing but sexual messages on his page, that hes having fun, its painful to match when ur technically still married... man they have no remorse, i wonder even if its worth it to bring them back? the thought of having your wife been with another man, its devastating, and soul shattering.  im not sure how ur strong enough wanting to bring her back, i still have nightmares for last 3 months

its like, i am the one ended up with her borderlione illness after they leave, not only we were abandoned, and i have borderline thoughts of wanting her back one day and being upset the next, for what she did and being in depression for reckless behavior she carries on. looks like u going through the same, mine is ruthless, been a great wife for 6 years, this year nothing but fights and then i was discarded and replaced.

It's more that I'm pining for the good loving times that we had over the 8.5 years.

In truth if she was to try to recycle with me the answer would be a firm "No. Never again."