BPDFamily.com

On September 7th 2015 I took a 15 hour plane journey to San Francisco where my bride to be met me outside the airport in a sparkling Porsche we had hired. 

We had been together  long distance since late 2011 travelling tens of thousands of miles between the US and the UK.

We were married on September 8th 2015 in San Francisco in our favourite city with the most gorgeous backdrop.  She had organised a wedding shoot and video costing over 3k and I had managed to get us into one of the best suites in a 5 star hotel for the nights we were there.

Everything should have been perfect and her wedding vows thanked me for my patience with her and she described me as her greatest love and the person she had found her joy through.  She called me the most loving and caring person.

Today I have received confirmation here in the UK that the divorce is finalised and I am now single.

All I feel is completely empty - I hate that our dream ended, I hate how she discarded me, I hate all the years I wasted invested in her and I hate that I feel I have failed.

Cooper, I know what you feel. Same here. But one thing... .never ever blame yourself any more. We are dealing with a mentally I'll person. I blamed myself for 2,5 years since Feb 2014 allthough knowing better. No one leaves this way.

I second that. You did NOT fail. You loved. You loved openly and honestly. Unfortunately, that is not what you received from someone who should have been an equal and loving partner.

Cooper, today is your emancipation. Your life is yours to live and you are no longer tied to this albatross that is weighing you down. You can soar now.

I know how bad it hurts to be betrayed and to see the forest for the trees. You are amazing and have so much to offer the right person, a deserving partner.

Congratulations on your freedom! 

Thanks for the words of support Jo & Pretty Woman,

You are both right and deep down I know it's not my fault - I did everything I could but no matter what I did it was never enough and she would only find the next thing to attack me for.

Actually just thinking  about the wedding day I remember her spending over an hour at night criticising me for my smile not being correct in the photographs.  My smile wasnt how she wanted it and she thought I was trying to annoy her by not smiling properly ! That's how badly I was and allowed myself to be controlled.

Wedding night both alseep on seperate side of the beds with no intimacy whatsover.

I remember the next morning actually looking on Google at wiping out the marriage i.e if there was a 24 hour cancellation opportunity.  Ridiculous that I ever put myself in that position in the first place.

I then told how I felt with how she was treating me and played the song "fake plastic trees" by Radiohead at which point she got really upset and started crying and trying to climb on me to kiss me.

I have so many bizaree/traumatic little moments and memories just circulating inside of my head.