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Title: First experience with a replacement :( Post by: heartandmind on January 05, 2017, 02:25:07 PM Hi! My ex wBPD and I broke up almost a year ago now, but it seems that she may have a recently new partner.
We broke up under the conditions that we would eventually get back together (she had a lot of growing to do on her own) and kept in touch for quite some time afterwards. She has/had a very push/pull dynamic with me where for every new height we reached, she would break up with me only to get back together. She told me she was intimidated by me a lot but also never felt so in love or loved by anyone before. Since the breakup, she will text me and invite me out to dinner every so often, but when I go to make the plan, I never hear back from her. She tells me she will talk to me soon and be in contact, but then she will run away and post some cryptic thing on social media about being in love with someone but unable to be with that person. Most recently, she messaged me for my birthday at 4 AM (well, five days prior to my birthday clearly trying to start a conversation but using it as the ice breaker), but by the time I responded in the morning, she wrote back once but never again afterwards. If you didn't want to talk to me, then why reach out? It's like she has these moments of weakness where she truly allows herself to feel and not run away, but then quickly builds the walls up again. Quite exhausting. In people's experiences with "replacements" (and I'm not even sure I can call the guy that since it's been almost a year since our breakup), do they often move on because they just don't care anymore? I cannot wrap my head around why she tried to make conversation with me at 4 AM if she has a partner/doesn't think about me or why she would ask me out to dinner or anything of the like before should she not still have feelings. Why not just let it die? Since this is my first time around the block with this, what is your advice or experience(s)? Do they genuinely love them or are they (so typically) running away from the intimacy they truly want, the one that scares them. I've heard mixed messages. Confused Title: Re: First experience with a replacement :( Post by: Mutt on January 05, 2017, 09:36:15 PM Hi Confusedx80,
*welcome* Excerpt We broke up under the conditions that we would eventually get back together (she had a lot of growing to do on her own) and kept in touch for quite some time afterwards. I felt the same way about my ex wife, I kept thinking about milestones, maybe she'll change if we're married and she'll settle down a bit, maybe she'll change if she turns 30. Fast forward 12 years since i've met her she is the same person I met back in 2005 emotionally. A pwBPD have arrested emotional development equivalent to a small child. I know it's confusing but there is logic to the dramatic behavior, a pwBPD have a narcissistic injury, abandonment fears, the core wound of abandonment. I'm sorry, it sounds like they're getting emotionally intimate and it's triggering her fear of abandonment, she's testing your emotional attachment, she's trying to prevent real or imagined abandonment by jumping into another r/s. Title: Re: First experience with a replacement :( Post by: Meili on January 06, 2017, 10:43:59 AM I agree with Mutt about things with pwBPD being confusing at first, but somewhat logical. As with anyone, each pwBPD is a unique individual. It is impossible to predict what may be going through her mind. I have one BPD ex who after 10 years of silence has recently reached out and reconnected with me and still has feelings. Well, to be more precise, she has been developing feelings again. I have another who I don't ever expect to hear from again (of course, I never would have guessed that the first would contact me either, soo... .) Regardless of your ex's motivations, what is it that you want to see happen here? |