BPDFamily.com

I have noticed most times when my wife is having her BPD moments I would say something to her or ask a question and she will not answer even if I say it like 3 times to make sure she heard me.  Then most times if I ask if she did not hear me she would say she responded or that she said "OK" or something like that.  At first I fooled myself into thinking maybe she was just saying it whisper soft and I did not hear so the past few times I watched her.  This morning for example I told her her breakfast was on the stove, I was literally 2 feet from her so she did not reply and I said it again, then I asked if she heard me and she said "I said OK, you were over there that's why you did not hear me when I said it".  So I said "No I was not over there I was here in this exact same spot when I said it and I watched your mouth and you did not say anything".  She then goes on to swear to God that she responded.  This happens quite frequently and I am wondering if she is doing it on purpose (knowingly) or is something in her mind making her think she responded when she did not.  Has anyone else seen this or dealt with this before and is it BPD related?

Wow... .my wife does this all the time.  Drives be bananas... .use to anyway.

I'm a very direct person.  Say what you mean and mean what you say.

My wife is stuck deep in passive aggressive land and rarely wants to take a stand on anything... .until it is over and she sees the outcome.  Then she was for whatever won... .all the time.

Sigh... .

OK... .you can't fix this, but you have a responsibility for YOUR part of the communication.

deep breath... friendly tone

"Beg your pardon... .I didn't hear what you said... "

DO NOT debate "facts"... .I was over hear... .I've said it twice... no you didn't you said it once and then sighed... .I had my finger up my nose when I was talking... .no you didn't you were picking your belly button... .I saw it... you couldn't have seen it because I saw your nose in your a$$... .where it normally is... .

Should I keep going... .anyone else want to chime in... .

Seriously though... .

be friendly... .respect her choices.

she says "I've already said it once... "

you say "It would mean a lot to me if you could repeat yourself... .I ready to focus on understanding you"

she says... "missed your chance... .too bad... "

you say (again... friendly... perhaps bemused) "Ok... let me know if you change your mind... .I will respect your choice... " 

you say... ."Hey... .I want to try that fish dish tonight... .I'm going to the store to get xyz... .anything I can get you... ."

go on about your business.



FF

It's called subtle ignoring. It's a blatant attempt at control and can be ugly.

It's a component of narcissism.

Which is a component of BPD.