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Last October ex referred me to CPS alleging neglect.  Cps decided they would offer mediation to us. 

Seemed OK... .but week before Xmas ex and boyfriend had a domestic at 8am. He injured her, and hurt D (6) by pinching her.  Turns out he was intoxicated, and ex threw him out... .only to reconcile hours later.  Cps have made them sign a written agreement re his alcohol use, arguing in front of kids and not to physically chastise the kids. 

Ex sent me texts refusing to drop kids at childminder, the handover for last two years, and threatening to withhold the kids from me next week.  I informed cps and she has now decided she will drop kids at childminder.

Also she wrote to my lawyer to state the the written agreement with cps was on her insistence, and the cps had no concerns about her and boyfriend, and that he wasn't intoxicated.  I contacted cps about this and they advised the written agreement was on their insistence, and was to ensure that ex and boyfriend knew that the behaviour was unacceptable and not to be repeated.

In addition, ex and I paid for mediation last year.  Just had a lawyer ring me regarding the unpaid fees for this. The lawyer had made a mistake... .I paid my half of the fees last summer... .turns she hasn't.  Fortunately I'm not liable for her fees.

Well... .I have mediation with ex and cps in two weeks.

I am now waiting for the next drama or false allegations.

Deny and Blame Shift, a typical pattern.  Since she and her BF look bad, she has to make you look as bad or even worse and so therefore she decided not to drop off the kids and threatened to withhold them.

Here's a scenario that often plays out... .Cops respond to a domestic dispute call.  They roll their eyes at each other, "Here we go again, won't they ever learn?"  The system kicks in but most professionals only have limited authority to do anything. And they don't have much inclination to go the extra mile because they know the 'perps' are repeat offenders and will get right back together again before long.  In revolving door cases like this the only way to end the cycles is to end the relationship.  In your case your Ex and her BF got right back together, didn't learn a thing except maybe to keep their conflicts, for a while, just under the level of being actionable.

Ponder over how you will approach the upcoming mediation with CPS and Ex.  You ought to clearly refute her claims that you're a bad parent, she and BF are the ones acting poorly, don't let her muddle the issues and blame shift to you.  I feel you ought to step forward and make it clear you're ready (and ought) to become much more involved in parenting (custody and schedule).  Whether CPS will push for a change in your favor, possibly not, but you need to push for that.  (Since most dads end up being alternate weekend dads, much of society does not expect dads to step forward.  It is your opportunity to say conflict such as that is not a one-off scenario, if it happened once, repeats are a real risk.)  You're NOT telling CPS and Ex that she must leave the BF.  She's an adult and your relationship together ended except as parents, frankly let her live her life.  You can't tell her what to do or not do.  CPS too may set down limits but whether that will work only time will tell, the problem is she's returned to a relationship with conflict.  (As the Scriptures illustrate, "The dog has returned to its own vomit, and the sow that was bathed to rolling in the mire." - Proverbs 26:11 & 2 Peter 2:22)  It's okay to point out that the environment is unhealthy for your children and that time with her ought to be reduced or limited, and you of course want to step up.

As bad as this is for the kids, see this also as an opportunity to Document the incidents.  Often the agencies and courts won't do much until something actually happens.  When agencies decide to get involved, it lends huge weight and credibility to your own efforts when in court in the future.

Here's my own scenario which started over a decade ago... .Cops respond to a domestic dispute call, try to remove dad (officer: hand over kid to mom and 'step away' but preschooler is clinging to dad virtually for dear life.  (Son saves dad, is that neat or what?)  They're evidently unwilling to cart off mom because there's not hard evidence against her.  Later dad downloads a recording of the incident and she's arrested for Threat of DV.  She doesn't change, instead makes allegations to try to make dad look worse than her.  They/we never get back together.  Though family court defers by default policy to mother in the temp order, over the years repeated incidents give basis for dad to get gradually increased custodial and parenting authority.  She loses credibility and dad gains credibility.

Thanks ForeverDad.

Mediation today.  I approached it looking for solutions. I thought she might be able to contain herself in front of a professional.  However, she became so angry that she  managed to get to the point of getting her coat on and walking out but not actually leaving. She did a fair bit of swearing. The social worker asked her a number of times to calm down, and also told her at times that she was being unreasonable.  She was quite unkind at times, even provoking the social worker to tell her that she wasn't being fair or nice.  Ex stated a number of times that she knew she was being unreasonable, but that she didn't care, she said she no longer felt the need to be reasonable.  She even told the social worker to take it to a child protection conference. She made some threats that she will stop me seeing kids, and that she would take me to court.  Along with a heap of lies, including a new one that I had tried to break her arm! We did manage to arrange some things, and I have agreed to share our daughters birthday with her... .even though it's in my time.  She left at the end abruptly.  After it ended social worker remarked that ex has difficulty managing her emotions.

Now awaiting the next drama/allegations/threats/abuse.

I recall my mediation attempt... .

Then-stbEx really wanted me to only have supervised contact but the court had twice ordered me to have alternate weekends and a 3 hour evening in between.  So she wanted it to stay there, I wanted equal time.  A year and a half later on Trial Day we settled for equal time and I was considered the Residential Parent whose residence determined the school.

Perceptive professionals can usually spot the problem persons but probably they're also hemmed in by their policies and procedures as to how much they can set things right.

So true, ForeverDad. My SD went to court ordered mediation with her dBPD, pprobably N, stbeh a few months ago. She went in with solutions and issues regarding their DD. Since right now my GD doesn't want to see her dad and his GF because of their poor behavior, SD proposed some things so that GD would feel comfortable visiting her dad. His resoonse was he want 50/50 starting right away. The mediator asked how 50/50 would work when GD was back in school since they live in 2 different states. His response: She could go to school one week in dad's state and one week in mom's.   The mediator ended the session saying that mediation wouldn't work.