BPDFamily.com

I am wanting to know if a NPD/BPD males ever give up on contacting you or stop their smear campaigns?

I am married but a NPD/BPD male friend became controlling and jealous. He was isolating me away from my friends and family. He wanted me to divorce my husband. My husband told him to "leave me alone" and end the friendship. He told my husband he would but... .the NPD/BPD ended up smearing me to I don't know how many people. I knew when many people (who I had no conflict with) started "blocking" me on Facebook. No big deal. These were people I had very little communication with anyway.

I don't get it though. Why is he so angry (smearing) when NPD/BPD agreed to leave me alone? AND he has a new girlfriend he is showing off to my friends. Shouldn't he be happy? And ignore me?

Here's how we met. He came ro me. I didn't chase him ever.

I am a married mom and met a fellow male honor student I'll call S at a college Christmas party in 2015, who introduced himself to my husband and children.  S decided to take a class on my campus. He sought me out and wanted hang out with me and have lunch with me all the time. He was intelligent but he only seemed to be polite and "well behaved" around me. He was a different person to other students I was told he had outbursts in class from my friends. It was like he was this other person (angry, intolerant, obnoxious) with other people.

I seemed to be the only person on campus who was nice to him and got along with him. Which led to him to want to be with me more and more as time went on including off of the campus. At first he would invite me to go with him to non-romantic events, church, fellowship groups, fish fries. Then later, group events with his church friends. S was very fun to be with and I only behaved as a friend.

But things got odd. I noticed he kept "triangulating" me with other females. I could see he was trying to make his other females jealous or me jealous. I would tell him he should go out with (date) the particular girl. But he wouldn't.

By summer break, I sensed he was developing romantic feelings for me when a ride home turned into dinner and going out to a tea bar. I got home at 2am. He was encouraging me divorce my husband.

By July I was getting uncomfortable. He started blurted out random sexual things to me such as a certain song was about a blow job, that male ducks had corkscrew penises? He confessed he watched porn.

By mid-July I told him I wanted to "back away". I actually walked away from him (left him). I was surprised he ran after me and begged me to stay with him because "he didn't have a friend like me". I did because he seemed upset and I felt sorry for him.

It was August and he was behaving very possessive toward me. He seemed to be making my family and friends angry at me. He seemed to be "isolating me" so he was my ONLY friend. He took me to a church fellowship. I thought it was to mingle with others but discovered how jealous he was when I talked with another male church fellowship member. I had filmed the members that night. If looks could kill, S looked like he wanted to kill the guy. I was very shocked and scared. He later put his arm around me (claiming me) to the group, while I was filming and he looked at me like he loved me.

By September S was acting crazy. He as showing up at my campus uninvited. Scared off a male student (who won't even talk to me anymore). S told me he was sick (a cold) but decided that was the time he needed to meet me to return my umbrella? He also "kidnapped" me and took me to his apartment to stay for the weekend. Nothing sexual happened but he was sure trying to tempt me (wearing barely anything, underwear and flexing his muscles, bragging he was sexy.) I could not leave his gated community because I didn't have the code. I knew if I walked out he would run after me (like before). He eventually took me home but that was the last time I saw him.

Our friendship officially in September 2016 (this is when my husband sent him a Facebook message to leave me alone and end communications with me. S replied to my husband and agreed to honor my husband's request).

However, S continued "liking" my photos till October 23 when I became Facebook friends with one of his many female "friends" (later I found out his next victim). She said some nice things to me and suddenly unfriended me then S "blocked" me on Facebook? Huh?

OK. I thought he was gone and done with me. Nope.
He started relaying messages through my friends to one friend he said he still liked me and wanted to be friends?
I ignored him.

S suddenly had a "public" girlfriend who I think he originally wanted to keep secret until a mutual friend contact the female to warn her about S except she blurted out she was S's girlfriend to my female friend. And she suddenly posted a "date night with Bae" photo with S.

OK. That seemed like great news for me.
Maybe S would ignore me and I would be free.
Wrong!

For some reason S lied about me to his new girlfriend.
All wrong and bad stuff. I learned this from my friend who outed the girlfriend who then went "public" about her relationship with S.
She changed her profile photo to being kissed by S.

I got a feeling all the overdoing it with lovey-dovey photos were in part directed at me. I guess to make me feel uh... .jealous or rejected? Except they both knew I had a husband who I was happy with.  :)

By November S was still ANGRY at me and my husband because... .we were together... .in a Facebook profile photo. I say he is angry because S displaced his anger toward my best friend who have nothing to do with ending our friendship. He phoned and yelled at her blaming her for ending my friendship with S. Huh?

So S is showing how "in love" he is with "kissing" profile photos and "date" photos.

I am glad and think he is happy.
If he is happy he won't be angry about me right? NOPE!
I couldn't understand how a guy in love would even bother to call up my friend to yell at her about me.

In December I contact S's girlfriend, (who was friendly with me in the past) I send her message saying her and S are a "beautiful couple and I wish them well always. Happy Holidays." I posted this as a public message on Facebook for all to see with a photo of her and S.
Well she saw it and "blocked" me on Facebook.

I thought OooK? That was mean.
But I am certain S told her to block me.
I don't get it at all. Why so hostile and BOTH of them blocking me.

Negative engagement is still engagement.  

You might view what you did as positive,  but they view it as they will,  and I think your analysis of him trying to get a reaction from you is correct (my words, based upon your story).

It isn't your job to "fix" anything.  He is who he is (immature and unstable), and he owns that.  :)etaching or stepping away probably involves a cut off at this point, from more than one degree. He's using the gf. They both own that, being in whatever relationship they are in,  not you.  She'll believe him,  at least for a time,  just as the next attachments did for most of us here.

Take a look at this,  do you think this will help?

Leaving a Partner with Borderline Personality Disorder (https://bpdfamily.com/pdfs/carver.pdf)

Turkish