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Title: I'm a Co-parent with the other co-parent the has BPD Post by: Melville7 on January 11, 2017, 12:01:07 PM I just realized that my ex-wife of 24 years has been gaslighting me she was diagnosed with BPD two years ago. She will make crazy by using my kids to control me through visitation times etc. She also has all my daughters (5) convinced that I'm the bad guy and they want nothing to do with me. I need help in not letting her get the best of me when she plays those rolls through my children. & how to win my kids back
Title: Re: I'm a Co-parent with the other co-parent the has BPD Post by: Stolen on January 11, 2017, 02:33:02 PM Mel,
I don't have an answer for you (searching myself), but if you are dealing with someone with BPD and there are kids involved, alienation seems a common outcome. Have you read any the stuff written by Craig Childress? He discusses the impact of disordered thinking on the alienation process - I found it very educational, even though I have not been able to make any headway with my own daughters. Here's his blog home page: https://drcraigchildressblog.com Here's his diagnostic checklist, I was able to check off everything except one "Na": www.drcachildress.org/asp/admin/getFile.asp?RID=108&TID=6&FN=pdf How old are the kids, and how long was your relationship? The more details you provide the more help you'll get from the amazing group of people on this board. Title: Re: I'm a Co-parent with the other co-parent the has BPD Post by: livednlearned on January 12, 2017, 10:47:10 AM People with BPD aren't great with reality perception
And kids are just learning skills to figure out what's real, what's not, so they tend to be easily persuaded (especially by emotional reasoning). They can be easily swept up in the distortions, especially if you (with good intentions) tried to keep them out of the middle, leaving the facts unchallenged. In addition to Stolen's excellent recommendation about Childress's work, there is also Warshak's Divorce Poison, which offers a lot of tips on how to counter the alienation in effective ways, depending on what BPD mom is like and how she alienates them. You can pick and choose the examples that best fit your situation and use the tips, applying them in situations with your girls. Glad you're here :) LnL |