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Title: Recurring arguments Post by: Aesir on January 13, 2017, 03:16:57 PM My ex had a habit of starting the exact same arguments and bringing up the same issues over and over again. There was never any closure even when I thought there was. She just argued to be arguing and could not let things go...
Title: Re: Recurring arguments Post by: ynwa on January 13, 2017, 04:54:39 PM This happens a lot with my exgf. They come up as fresh and random as though they just happened. I've brought things up myself that remained unresolved as well, so I dint think it's just them. But she uses them as attacks more often then not to reinforce some sort of idea in her head.
Title: Re: Recurring arguments Post by: ICantFixHer on January 13, 2017, 06:11:15 PM I believe "circular arguing" is what this tactic is referred to; the disordered person continues going around and around the exact same subjects to either eventually receive validation of some kind, or to keep the non engaged ie. as an active supply.
These endless "discussions" were, by far, the most irritating and annoying thing about my ex uBPDgf. Gigantic wastes of time and energy. Title: Re: Recurring arguments Post by: once removed on January 14, 2017, 11:58:14 AM I believe "circular arguing" is what this tactic is referred to; the disordered person continues going around and around the exact same subjects the problem with seeing it this way is that a circular argument requires at least two participants. usually a circular argument is both parties repeatedly stating their position, and/or baiting and switching. in my case there was a lot of "you did this" "yeah but you did this". no resolution. often times it helped when one of us (usually me) took a time out. having said that, there were times i escalated when she took a time out, and times that i took a time out only to take the bait and respond. both sides become entrenched, and emotions run high, and usually both parties feed into the circular argument with a need to be right. Title: Re: Recurring arguments Post by: Aesir on January 14, 2017, 05:24:42 PM the problem with seeing it this way is that a circular argument requires at least two participants. usually a circular argument is both parties repeatedly stating their position, and/or baiting and switching. in my case there was a lot of "you did this" "yeah but you did this". no resolution. often times it helped when one of us (usually me) took a time out. having said that, there were times i escalated when she took a time out, and times that i took a time out only to take the bait and respond. both sides become entrenched, and emotions run high, and usually both parties feed into the circular argument with a need to be right. When I saw this occurring and tried to skip the subject and shut the argument down she just got angry. |