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I always think that she knows what she is doing because it seems like she would be able to predict the future. Every little thing she did, she deliberately knew exactly what she was doing and she knew how I would react every time.  I still feel like she knows how I am doing without even being around me.  I just have a feeling as soon as I get myself back to my old self there she will be again. She always claimed that she liked to think she knew what other people were thinking.  I think she was right with me like 90% of the time.

Good news is... .I feel more over her than I have.  I'm glad she blocked her instagram account because it forced me to get rid of even more things from her. I was so mad that I ended up getting rid of more of her stuff, and unfriendig her friends and family on FB.  I have yet to throw out the blanket she gave me but I have been using it as a matt for when I paint. :P

I do feel however, that I have been messing up big time after the break up.  I realize I should have just let it be and give her space.  I sent her emails, told her friend to tell her I missed and loved her, and asked her at work if we could talk.  I feel like she thinks I am pathetic. .  I feel pathetic now realizing I should have just stayed quiet.  

Moving forward: I am going to apply to a new job this weekend and am losing my relationship weight. Been working out like crazy and losing weight.  I feel more open to finding a new relationship again. And I feel like my old self is returning. I'll never be the same person.  i don't trust a lot of people anymore. I used to give my heart to everyone, but now.  I am going to do what's makes me happy.

Give yourself a break!

-Stop this magical/mystical thinking... .it doesn't exist. yes the patterns looks divine though they're apprehensions  (We have mostly all been there)

-You're probably in a depressed mood so this affect your rational thinking(unless you are suffering from serious mental illness,than what ever anyone says will be of no values)

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Don’t be too hard on yourself Shedd. I made plenty of mistakes after the break-up, keeping in contact being the main one. I’m sure most of us have regrets. Focus on your wonderful new future and good luck with the new job.

They are so good at guessing because they studied you, installed the buttons and then pushed them.  Remember when you could tell her anything and everything... .and did?  Remember when she said there should be no secrets between you?  Remember when she felt like your soulmate?  That's when she learned all about you.  Then she used it.  Period.
BTW, she doesn't know this isn't normal.  Just as you can't quite grasp BPD... .she can't understand normal.

Don't worry.  That new caution you feel is just some healthy boundary setting.  Youwill spot the next one a mile away... .and move on to something healthier. |iiii

Hi Shedd,

*welcome*


I don't think that there's a right or wrong way. Did she make you feel embarrased? What did you want to convey to her?

I believe they are always in constant fear, always looking for signs that they are about to be abandoned. I recall at one point when I started seeing a T, she asked why I was seeing one and if she had driven me crazy. The latter accompanied with a childish grin in her face. Few months ago, in my quest for reconciliation , I mentioned that we may have driven each other crazy, and there comes the grin again as if she was content her goal was achieved. She always saw a T always discussed me but refused to engage in any discussion that had not been brought to my attention first. The T might have cued her of what to expect in future.

No, she didn't make me feel embarrassed.  In fact at work besides flirting with the girl I can tell she feels sorry for hurting me so much.

It's just me being so hard on myself. 

I just want her to know that I will always be here for her whenever she needs me.  I made her a promise not to leave her, and I don't break my promises.  I wrote her an email explaining that to her.  I think that's why she seems sorry at work.  ashe doesn't say it, but I can tell the way she looks at me or holds the door open for me.