BPDFamily.com

This is my first post and I must admit it's uncomfortable at best to reach out for help, let alone to strangers... but I am tired and weary.  I'm not sure what to write or what advice to ask for, maybe it is just to give club credibility to the weight of the pain that has been exposed this past year.  My counselor strongly believes, and I agree, after long consideration, thoughtful analysis and prayerful consideration that my wife of 27 years has BPD.  I am now living in the latter stages of its progression and negative impact it has had and the horrible influence it has had both of us, including terrible decisions I have made in response.

I now find myself living in he same house in separate bedrooms for almost six years and I am ignored, held in contempt and berated.  She is BPD with the children, though not nearly as extreme, but they do it trust her enough to be honest about how she makes them feel.  I choose to stay for their sakes (how can I expect them to handle this on their own) as I have a strong relationship with them and know they rely on me and they know they can count on me.  There is obviously much more, I am no saint, but my faith in God has held me together.

So maybe my questions are:  can others understand- the pain, the rejection, the questioning of myself and the weariness this creates on a daily basis?  And where does one take the daily pain while I am still living in this situation?

I am 24 yrs married and 26 yrs together w UBPDh who is also active alcoholic.  We are more or less separated since July; however, we have a business together so see each other daily.  I began participating in Al-anon in 2012 and now attend Celebrate Recovery.  There is also CoDA.  If you are not currently involved in a similar program I would recommend that you at least give one of them a try.  Your counselor should be familiar with some in your area.

There are many of us who have experienced similar situations. While I was not married to my exwife for anywhere nearly as you as you have been married (only 5 years) and we had no children together, I spent the last 2 in a different bedroom in an effort to hide from the situation in which I had found myself.

At that time, I had no idea how to talk or communicate anything to her without causing a fight. It seemed that every action I took or thing that I said was used as an attack against me.

Since that time, I have learned to better communicate with others and define and maintain boundaries. All of my interpersonal relationships have improved as a result. I can even talk to my exwife these days and have actual conversations on an intimate level.

The basis for much of what I have learned can be found in the links in the sidebar to the right. Learning and using the information provided will give you the best shot as calming the situation.