BPDFamily.com

I am reaching out to this community for the first time after starting to read "Stop Walking on Eggshells".  I have been with my BPD partner for 6 years, married for the last year.  We have had our ups and downs, and since I got back in to see a therapist myself after an incident with my partner a few months ago, I have been working on cognitive behavior therapy in myself to avoid negative self-views and to work on myself.  However, I now feel like things have gotten worse.  After a weekend where it felt like everything I did or said was wrong, my wife is now asking for a divorce.  I expressed my fear of her kidnapping the kids and that hurt her even more.  She is in a very negative place and I know that anything hurtful I said will now be in her arsenal.  If there is a next time.  Anyway, I am really struggling with this and I know our family is too (3 kids, two older of hers, one younger together). 

I guess I was just hoping to vent and will hopefully read up and some of what other people have done and have been through.  Thank you for letting me vent. 

I guess the one question would be, how do I move forward, knowing that I said some hurtful things out of my own fear and frustration?  After reading the "read before posting" page, I am not sure I have the skills for this part:
Are we being weak? A relationship with a borderline requires a great deal of strength - the healthy partner must assume the role of emotional caretaker or emotional leader in the relationship. This requires strength, understanding, knowledge and patience. Self-care provides us strength, understanding connects us, knowledge guides our behavior through which we affect others and determines what is perceived. Patience and time are on our side.

Frustrated and flustered... .

*welcome*

I'm sorry for what brought you here but I'm glad you're with us.  We help and support each other here. From what you have said I think you belong here;  you will fit in; your situation is like a lot of the  other members. You will see from reading the posts here that you are far from alone. There is a lot of venting that goes on here.

I'm pretty sure that we have all said some things that were hurtful to our significant other; I know that I did! Even when I was trying not to say hurtful things, they came across that way to my uBPDexgf. There is a lot of information here - articles, workshops, etc. - and we'll help you find what you need to avoid doing things like that in the future. There are communication skills that will minimize the behavior of someone with BPD and these have proven successful for some of the members here.

If I might suggest, there are some great links to the right of the page that will help you get started.

Thank you for pointing me to the additional resources.  I also look forward to diving into the board more for additional perspective.  Thank you

Keep us posted on how things are going for you. Hang in there.