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Title: He can't make a decision; what do I say to help? Post by: anna58 on January 16, 2017, 11:36:44 PM I am moving to a new apartment in a week. He lives with me now, but can't come with me and is aware of that. He is panicking, depressed, etc.
He can't figure out what to do. He talks to me about these options: go back to Europe where he is putting together a group of people to work on his film script and has had some success but no money has come through so he wonders if he should continue. He says he needs a home and income. He has been living with a woman (me or someone else) for years and can't seem to get his own place to live. This is huge for him. He says we should take a trip for a few days. He wants the two of us to ask a friend if we can stay with them for a week or so. He may find a place in Los Angeles (where he used to live and wants to again) but it is too expensive. If he goes to Europe, he has a woman there he can stay with for free but he knows there is a big price to pay being under her thumb. I continue to say to him that he needs a place to live and some freelance income. He can go to Europe anytime. But starting on saturday, he needs a place to sleep. I said he should concentrate on that right now. He says life shouldn't be this hard at this age (64). He is anxious and depressed. He is not in therapy. He is undiagnosed though knows he has problems he thinks of as bipolar, anxiety, depression, and PTSD (childhood abuse). What is the most useful thing I can say or do for him? As I continue to take care of myself, of course. Title: Re: He can't make a decision; what do I say to help? Post by: Turkish on January 16, 2017, 11:59:57 PM Though you're splitting, at least residences, I sense that you still care for him
It's a fact that he's an adult, responsible for taking care of himself. It's also a fact that he's emotionally limited, which results in him maybe not being able to do so effectively, at least by your or my standards. What happens if you let him be an adult, standing on his own? Living apart, where do you see your r/s going? Title: Re: He can't make a decision; what do I say to help? Post by: anna58 on January 17, 2017, 01:19:22 AM Well, an hour later after I returned from visiting a friend, he had decided to go to Europe. I support whatever he says he wants to do. But I am tired of listening to how many times he changes his mind in a day. I can't be empathic anymore, too draining. When he seems lost, I try to support him. But then he makes a decision for himself eventually I suppose.
It's very wearing emotionally. And, frankly, he is not supportive of the decision I have made for myself---to move to a Section 8 apartment even though it is very small and a bit depressing. I don't like it, but I think it's important that I hang onto the Section 8. Where is the r/ship going? Well, we aren't officially in a relationship. It waivers between playing like we are together and then just being friends. He will go to Europe and email me, and that will be that. He may return here, I don't know. I am angry that he just leaves with no care about how hard that is on me. He expects a lot from me, but gives very little. You can tell I am angry. Title: Re: He can't make a decision; what do I say to help? Post by: Turkish on January 17, 2017, 01:59:58 AM I'd be angry too. Securing living accommodations is no small thing. Do you feel safe in the meantime, to do what you need to do for you?
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