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Ok, maybe I'm missing something, but I am trying to go LC with uBPD/NPDstbexw and she keeps triangulating/smearing to my neighbors. The piece I'm wondering about is that she keeps inviting her main supporter over to our house, so I show up after work and BANG, neighbor lady and my wife drinking wine and generally creating an uncomfortable environment.

Does this lady not see she's being used to try to make me feel uncomfortable, to try to upset me? If I tried to have a friend over, one they'd say probably not a good idea, but if I did, my wife would flip and so would the neighbor lady.

I don't know, maybe it is ok to bring the focal point of the smear campaign into our home during our divorce, or maybe as I see it, it's another passive aggressive move to create pain, to get a reaction.

BTW, I just roll with it, say hi and turn on the TV or read in the living room... .

Want this divorce done and it's just getting started... .so hard to have NC/LC... .

NS

Hi NewStart,

I can see how that would be uncomfortable, have you thought about just going out for an errand, go to the gym, go for a drive or a walk, go see family or friends when the neighbor is over?

Hey Mutt,

She did it again tonight, I went to see my boy play basketball came home and they are camped in the living room.  I was polite, tried to say hi and it was obviously uncomfortable for everyone... .except my wife.

So here I sit in the basement and yeah I could go to the gym, grab a coffee etc... .one I have a bad cold and should be curled up on my couch and two this gal will be drinking here until all hours and may even stay over because shes to drunk to drive. So unless I go for the night... .and they are loud!

So just me or is this passive aggressive triangulation when someone is going through divorce with a BPD/NPD? To me it's feels like just another one of her control moves.

NS

I understand, you can't get out. I don't think that it's bad triangulation. I think that when a pwBPD are flooded with emotions, are hyper viligant, always scanning for rejection, feel shame, self loath etc... .well that's a lot going on inside. I can see how a pwBPD would be self absorbed and impaired with putting themselves in someone else's shoes, she's not telegraphing that's she's empathizing with you. I can see how that would really sting. That being said.

Are you talking or avoiding each other after you get off work? Is it possible that she wants company? What do you think?

Mutt;

You might be right, maybe she just wants company and it's a tough time so maybe I'm just being sensetive.  I'm probably hyper sensitive to passive aggressive behavior after 3 years of it I probably have started to see it where it's not.

I'm sure she's probably feeling rejection and all kinds of other emotions as well so having the narcisistic food source like the gal she had over last night and the other night probably are serving as tools to keep her having to reflect to deeply.

Oh well, guess I just want it over sooner than later so I can get my boys and my life back. Hell, I haven't been able to have anyone over for three years unless we're in the garage, now I'll be able to have friends over again!

NS

You have a good point with hyper vigilance, i'd like to add that there may be PTSD too? I agree play the long game   *)