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Title: Introduction- need support Post by: Joyinmotion on January 20, 2017, 10:30:18 AM Hi, I found the BPD website and decided to join the online support group. My husband and I have been married for almost 4 years. About 6 months ago, my husband became convinced that I was cheating on him, in spite of my denying his accusations. He has not dropped his views and keeps making references to this alleged guy friend. He claims that a black pickup truck passing by our driveway was this man so he secretly looked up the license plate, then the publicly available data, like name and address. A month ago, my husband showed me a picture on Facebook and said I knew this man who is a total stranger. Then he drove to a neighborhood a few miles from our house, stopped in front of the gate as a resident woman was opening it, and told me this was his house and I could move there if I wanted to. I have been telling him I don't know this man, etc. But he does not believe me. My husband claims he has irrefutable evidence: his data is that we both share the Find-my-iPhone technology on our phones, which shows the location of each other's devices. Apparently several times, the location dot for my device was either not broadcasting (when I was inside a building) or showing a different location for me. For example, when I was swimming or working on treadmill at the gym, the dot would show up in a nearby field or building. From this technical data, my husband has spun a whole story of how I met a man at the gym, then started meeting him for hot rendez vous in nearby oil and gas fields and apartment buildings.
After he gets his outbursts off his chest, he behaves the same as he normally does, reasonable and even loving. Last week, he started talking about the marriage being over and asking me to leave. When I asked him again, he said he was not ready for me to go. I don't have a job or a car so I would be thrown to the curb if I left right now. I'm in the middle of seeking a teaching certificate online so I asked him to wait till I get my certification in fall 2017 before he proceeds with a divorce. That seems to give him a breather and he has settled down in the past few days. I believe he has many issues stemming from his life experiences and needs to address them. His baggage is overwhelming him and has become dumped on me as the primary scapegoat. I love him dearly and I am very confused on how best to proceed. Arguing reason is not working. He refuses marriage therapy. He refuses to talk to any friend or relative. I, on the other hand, feel free talking to close friends and relatives, since I don't have any thing to be ashamed of! Title: Re: Introduction- need support Post by: Naughty Nibbler on January 20, 2017, 07:58:40 PM Welcome Joyinmotion: I'm sorry about your partner's jealous behavior. Did he show signs of jealousy prior to marriage? It has to be disturbing to have him make false accusations and then to track you. Many of us can acknowledge that tracking apps aren't perfect and have heard some funny stories related to that. I know that that some devices position me in a neighboring city. The link below leads to some information that could be helpful for you. HOW TO DEAL WITH A JEALOUS PARTNER https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=78324.0;all You can't change you partner, but you can make things better for you by setting some boundaries and changing the way you interact with your partner and the way you react to him. There are a lot of links to the right of this post to some helpful communication skills and strategy to use. Check out the info about How to Deal With a Jealous Partner and perhaps try some of the strategy and then come back and tell us what you think. |