BPDFamily.com

I have a super great best friend. The other day I was feeling low and he was saying a lot of nice things about how cool I am, my character, our friendship, etc., how other people really love and admire me and then he added " do you know how special you are Michel?".
I was really touched. My first instinct was to say 'NO". BPD brainwashing.
It occurred to me that I NEVER heard nice things like that from my uBPDw after I was painted black.

Do any of you have good friends and/or family who remind you how special you are? I hope so because we all need it. We are special. We do have value.

Is this a current feeling,  or does it go further back into your FOO?

The desire to reach out to past partners of my uBPDw overwhelms me. I also think that down the line some poor soul will be desperate to reach out to me for answers/validation.

Has that ever happened to anybody?

Hey Michel,   

Your FIRST instinct was to be touched, your SECOND was to react.

Your friend wasn't blowing smoke up your posterior. They meant it.

Personally?

I'd have no problem "debriefing" her new H at some point,  even if he is her affair partner.  He complication is that I'm legally tied to her for the next 14 years,  aside from the emotional component.  I talked to him about the DV (following the protocols here); he thanked me,  and proceeded to ignore my advice.  They both did.  That's on them.  I'm out.  

I'm a big believer in "adulting up"  meaning that as adults,  we're responsible for our choices.  

You posted on Conflicted, but a big part of detaching is letting go... .even letting go of warning others.  Their lives are theirs to live.  

Fortunately, I do, too, michel. And it feels great, no matter if I'm single or in a relationship. There's something in my experience about being in these kinds of relationships that makes it so easy to lose perspective about ourselves—we lose the big picture because we're too busy managing/coping.

For me, it was the slip, slip, sliding of my boundaries, my caretaking tendencies, and my own fuzziness about where I wanted to be in my life the contributed to that. How about you? 

heartandwhole

Yes. Exactly. Boundaries. Mine were weak  I should say rather that I was weak. I did have them. I just kept letting things happen. I did not have the courage of my convictions. I wimped out. Letting myself down feels almost as bad as her letting me down.

Yes, I know that feeling.    But you know, we can change. It doesn't happen overnight, but if we are willing to feel and reflect and learn, positive changes DO come about.

I have been so lucky to have about five amazing friends who text and call me on a day to day basis right now to make sure i am ok. I don't think I have ever experienced such incredible friendships as I am right now and I am so grateful to them, especially as I have ignored them the last two years trying to be there all the time for my exBPD. I am only on day four of our break up, and tonight I came back to our flat where she has taken most of her things away and it hurt, but I had three text messages from people checking in, I don't think I would have gotten through this far without them.

Love to everyone out there going through the same. One day at a time. It will get better.

LW