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Relationship Partner with BPD (Straight and LGBT+) => Romantic Relationship | Detaching and Learning after a Failed Relationship => Topic started by: half-life on January 23, 2017, 11:02:43 AM



Title: What do you do to "Work on yourself"
Post by: half-life on January 23, 2017, 11:02:43 AM
It is very common to hear, after a relationship failure, that people will take time off to work on themselves. What do you do to work on yourself?

I ask because I don't feel as much affected by any significant trauma or issues. I am seeing a therapist. But rather than any emergency issue I need to address, it is more for find guidance and advice to navigate all kind of challenges in everyday life. I have reasonably healthy self-esteem. I do not grew mistrustful of other people. I still have positive expectation from life.

On the other hand, I tend to see through rose color glasses. So I don't want to miss something because I don't have enough awareness.

Which area do you need work on yourself? Is there some specific target before you go out to look for a new relationship? How do you know you have reached those target?


Title: Re: What do you do to "Work on yourself"
Post by: teapay on January 24, 2017, 05:06:55 AM
One way is to work on your boundaries, which can be doNE anytime, not necessarily due to crisis and regardless of any personal issues you may or may not have.  They are the things you want or don't want---your policies for life.


Title: Re: What do you do to "Work on yourself"
Post by: half-life on January 24, 2017, 12:12:25 PM
This is a great suggestion. Any pointer to specific activities?


Title: Re: What do you do to "Work on yourself"
Post by: steelwork on January 26, 2017, 01:05:16 PM
Off the top of my head, here are some questions that might get you started:

What (if any) boundaries can you identify that your ex crossed?
What were the effects on you?
How did you respond?