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I read an article called " why abusers say i love you". I read so often how abusers use the L word. I can't ever remember one time my xw said she loved me or showed and kind of genuine affection. She never said good morning, good night, have a good day, how was your day. She never asked, made it clear at times that she didn't care about me. I asked xw why don't you ask how my day was when I get home from work? She replied "why bother asking, your going to tell me anyway. No wonder people scratched there head when it got out I was marrying her. As I go through the detaching phases it becomes more and more clear how awful and horribly belittling xw was.

Hi bus boy 

What kind of mood was she in when she said this? Was there a reason for it?

Her reasons seemed to be to hurt. Xw was a cruel cold hearted person. I often said on these posts I only went through 2 stages devalue and discard. The more she knew I craved affection and validation the more she made sure she showed me none, but the more she made sure I heard her give it to other people. Xw took every moment to say every mean belittling emotionally abusine thing she could say to me and about my family. She tried to push my family out of my life and the less she succeeded the meaner she got.

Hi bus boy,

I googled the article and read a few paragraphs. I read the about me section and the author of the blog said that she met her abuser while she just got out of an abusive r/s. I think that it helps to read balanced articles, she doesn't mention her choices in the r/s and getting involved too quickly and lack of boundaries.

I completely understand the anger towards your ex, anger is good because it helps us detach from unhealthy r/s's. You were in a r/s with her what did you like about her? I've seen members on this board split their exes black, just like a pwBPD would split their ex black. It helps to validate the anger but it also helps to let go of our exes. I think that if we stay there too long we become stuck, I think that gives our exes's too much power over us.

My goal was to let her go, become the best version of myself that I can be, that meant taking care of myself, doing things that I enjoy and not letting feelings about my ex get in the way. I wanted to get in top physical shape, it helps with my mood and stress.How I take care of myself telegraphs to her that I've moved on and that she lost something special, her loss. I don't have to tell her that I moved on, she can see the results.

Check the right margin of the board, where do you see yourself in the 5 stages of detachment?