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Xw has split her whole extended family black, grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins. Has not talked to them in years, nothing not one single word. Xw did the same to my family, split them black. Xw got it in her head my sister was a drunk, thief, slut, lier and any other horrible things she could dredge up from the bottom of her black soul. None of the things she said were true but she took delight in saying those things to hurt me. I was always defending my family and xw would never let up, than she came up with the rule i wasn't allowed to defend my family. To this day xw is convinced my sister is a drunk. Once xw has something in her head about someone she never changes it.

Not true, I've been splitted many, many times.

However the 'true' black splits I think were about 4 in the grand scheme of things.
In the end, whenever I was white I was still the angel who could do no wrong :)
So, I mean it's possible.

However, I think painting white again usually comes from painting another black.

Now, to go back to what you said tho... .Retrospectively there is some truth.

I have found that my BPD tends to permanent black friends quite a bit. So, maybe certain BPD people keep certain people black forever, or just types of relationships?

Hmm... interesting.

Once I was split black, things continued to deteriorate and  I was never white again. I wonder how common that is.

How was your r/s with your sister? I avoided talking to family members because it was like walking on eggshells in regards to my family members, people that knew me for many decades, especially my sister we're really close, my ex even accused me of wanting to sleep with my sister  I was avoiding family so that I could avoid confrontation with uBPDxw which wasn't good, I think that a part o taking care of yourself is spending time with people that love you unconditionally. Did you avoid family and friends to avoid conflict?

Hi Mutt I was always close to my sister and I am still close to her. Your reply to this post was a carbon copy of what I went through. I did everything to avoid my family. A topic met with vicious repercussions. After we married it was pure hell what she put me through to get my family out of my life.

I don't think there really is a permanent "black" split. I say this because while my ex didn't speak to her father, said horrible things about him and that he "abused her and her family" (mind you, half the family speaks to him and is ostracized by the mother and sister my ex is close to), she also cried on a few occasions saying she missed him, and really prized items he had given her as a lot of BPD's do (one item in particular, a small brass bunny figurine, she would stroke and look at a lot).

I think the shame of HER actions causes her to not reach out. He co signed on a house for her and she sued him. He is a smart, real estate agent, a savvy businessman. I know he has reached out to her sister to try to mend things and has been responded to with vitrol.

So I don't believe you are split black forever. I think they truly possess fear of rejection for all the carnage they created.

My BPD partner of 20+ years would be set off by my family members by the simplest things that wouldn't really bother most people. I've seen things as simple as a disagreement about what foods to eat. It got to the point where the disassociation was now a permanent thing. Unfortunately it doesn't matter who it is... .if something that someone says rubs her the wrong way then that person is on the shxt list and not even an apology can cure it... .people dont even know what to apologize to her for. I've been on that list more times than I can count and each time I had to humble myself to the extreme in order to preserve the relationship. You know... .kiss her feet and buy her gifts. No one is immune from someone who suffers from BPD... .you just notice it more or take it more personal when its a family member... .I cant tell you how many stores or restaurants we could never go back to because they looked are her funny or said the wrong thing. On a couple occasions the chef came out to the table because of her disgust towards the food she was brought.

In my experience, yes.