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Ok, so I'm thinking it's the ups and downs that are super confusing and creating my significant emotional low points.

My uNPD/BPDw and I are going through divorce and she has been a real piece of work 95% of the time... .but, then out of the blue she'll do something like sit down and have a few glasses of wine and watch tv with me and we'll talk and engage like old times and the other night even grabbed me and started kissing me and saying she keeps thinking about having sex with me... .then after these evenings the next morning she right back to nasty?

The emotional roller coaster seems to be slowly draining me... .

NS

Hey NewStart

I think you know the pattern. When you see a pattern, you have to accept that you won't get a different result. If you jump into the web, you will cause yourself more pain.  It might be best to radically accept that she is who she is.

Be cautious, especially if a pregnancy is possible.

When will the divorce be final?  Can you put limits on your contact, especially where alcohol is involved?

Hi NS,


Divorce is hard. You have your own feelings to sit with and it doesn't help when your STBX isn't thinking about how she acts affects you. That being said, have you been connecting with people that love you unconditionally like your family and friends? Do you have a hobby? What do you do for self care? Do you exercise?

That's a great question and yes I have been making some great strides to reconnect with family and friends that I haven't been in contact with since being in this relationship.  Now mind you it's a slow process and I can tell some folks are probably reluctant as from their side they probably see it as now I need them as I'm going through this because they don't realize that it was part of an isolation tactic.

Exercise, for me this was huge as before this relationship I was a avid mountain biker, skier, trail runner and surfer but as the relationship progressed it went from "go do that because that's what I fell in love with" to "you're selfish and all about yourself" which has resulted in me being in the worst shape of my life.  However, like the reconnect with friends and family I have started to get back out there and had a great weekend as a matter of fact.  Another big plus of these activities are that they are connected to my friend  and social groups and this is what will REALLY help rebuild me.  Yesterday on the mountain I finally felt a little like the old me, it was super cathartic and very energizing!


Exactly, it's a balancing act as she knows how to draw me in and I have to remember when she does it, it's not about me it's that she feels low and is just seeing if she can still draw from me.


It's no longer an issue, but that was the last guy!  They weren't married yet lived together with her two kids, when things got tough and he had enough she mysteriously got pregnant with her third child... .yeah.


Here's the issue there, she wants to stay in the same house until June when the kids get out of school, yeah I can't imagine that amount of time in this twisted space.  I've been doing the best I can to limit contact, but we don't live in a mansion and have 5 kids between the two of us, so yeah we have to see each other a lot.  Limiting contact when alcohol involved... .she drinks a least a bottle of wine a night so I'm guessing no... .

On the upside her sister get's here this week so yeah... .that's going to be a gong show... .funny thing is she's raged at me around her family, been super passive aggressive etc. etc. but because they're all 15 plus years older than her and raised her when her mom abandoned them, they still support her and always support the victim narrative?

NS

Perfect!  |iiii

It make take a few phone calls to family and friend if they haven't heard from you in awhile, just keep calling.