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Title: Blame it on your disorder if you want... Post by: AustenJ on January 27, 2017, 02:40:18 PM Just like the word hate, love is a strong word as well, but you have no idea how to love. Blame it on your disorder if you want, but you are the one making the choice not to get into treatment. By me continuing to love you and be you're friend, I'm not helping you; I'm not doing you any favors. Like an addict you have to hit rock bottom before you get help... .maybe. Feel my loss, feel my pain, feel my sadness, feel my broken dreams and heart... .assuming you're even capable of feeling another's pain which I seriously doubt in your self-absorbed world. So this is it. The end. Forever.I did not cause this. I can not fix you. I have to take care of myself and pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. And you of all people cannot help me in this. It is what it is.
Title: Re: Blame it on your disorder if you want, but you are the one making the choice... Post by: heartandwhole on January 28, 2017, 06:10:42 AM complicated
I can understand your feelings very well. How are you coping with this? heartandwhole Title: Re: Blame it on your disorder if you want, but you are the one making the choice... Post by: earlyL on January 28, 2017, 05:51:29 PM This is beautifully written and so true for me also. I hope you are doing ok.
LW Title: Re: Blame it on your disorder if you want, but you are the one making the choice... Post by: infjEpic on January 28, 2017, 07:19:12 PM Just like the word hate, love is a strong word as well, but you have no idea how to love. Blame it on your disorder if you want, but you are the one making the choice not to get into treatment. By me continuing to love you and be you're friend, I'm not helping you; I'm not doing you any favors. Like an addict you have to hit rock bottom before you get help... .maybe. Feel my loss, feel my pain, feel my sadness, feel my broken dreams and heart... .assuming you're even capable of feeling another's pain which I seriously doubt in your self-absorbed world. So this is it. The end. Forever.I did not cause this. I can not fix you. I have to take care of myself and pick up the shattered pieces of my heart. And you of all people cannot help me in this. It is what it is. Not only will you put them back together, you will put them back together differently. More resilient. Stronger. Smarter. And you will have weak moments. But you will get through them. Always remember that, no matter how bad you feel, it won't last. It will pass. Hang in there. Title: Re: Blame it on your disorder if you want, but you are the one making the choice... Post by: AustenJ on January 30, 2017, 07:44:54 AM Thank you all for the kind words... .one way I am coping is focusing on my health... .god knows one's health, mental and physical, takes a major hit with a borderline relationship. When I saw the end was near, I signed up for Farrel's Extreme body shaping for 10 weeks of wonderful hell... .5am 6 days a week cardio kickboxing and strength training... .I get to kick and hit a bag as hard as I possibly can for 45 minutes... .what a way to get my frustrations out! Hah! I'm starting my 4th week and have never been in better shape nor felt better! Also reconnecting with family and friends and golf... .
This was my first and last experience with a BPDgf, who I teach with (ugh), but oddly enough I am getting a lot of emotional support and no contact coaching from my 23 year-old nephew (32 years younger) who encountered a BPDgf when he was 19. It's very eerie how similar our stories are... .so things are definitely looking up! |