BPDFamily.com

Hi
Im struggling to keep it together my girlfriend is a train smash she looses control over everything she is extremely jelouse and controling , i try to help us find balance by avoiding everything that triggers her yet its a never ending story... .constante roller coaster... .i love her and want to be with her but I feel very tierd and lost sometimes just want to walk away... .
She has terrible mood swings and very lows and then very highs, she talks about ending her life and that she is worth nothing to anyone... .she constantly sees more into everything i say or do, i am walking on eggshells around her i dnt wanna fight no more i dnt want to see her hurt like this no more I need some help, im desperate... .

Hi EdwardD,

*welcome*

I can fully understand your feeling tired and desperate. Your relationship sounds like it takes a lot of energy out of you. So many of us here have been there. I'm sorry that things are not going well. 

How long have you been together with your girlfriend? Has she had any diagnosis or treatment  for her highs and lows?

Keep posting and let us know how we can support you.

heartandwhole

Hi EdwardD, 

*welcome*
‎
I'd like to join heartandwhole and welcome you to  bpdfamily. I'm sorry to hear that. I completely understand how emotionally exausting a r/s with with a pwBPD. It can feel depressing when you don't feel like family and friends understand what you're going though. You're not alone.

Many of us here can relate with you and offer you guidance and support. It helps to talk to people that can relate with you. 

It's important that we take of ourselves when a loved one suffers from a mental illness so that we don't burn the candle at both ends.

W‎hat does it mean to take care of yourself?  (https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=112473.0)‎

I understand. The thin skin and sudden mood swings can have your head spinning and emotionally drained.

Hello - how are things going today?

I know for dealing with H, it's been helpful to try to identify some of his triggers for mood swings.  He does not do well in the winter months when it gets dark sooner.  He needs to eat regularly, as his blood sugar being too low seems to not only make him irritable, but will often trigger a rage event that is usually pretty bad depending on how "hangry" he is.  Holidays, birthdays, and any other planned events or gatherings can be an issue. Knowing what your GF's triggers are won't stop them per say, but can help you be more prepared for them, and not being caught off guard can go a long way to helping you feel less over wrought.

BPD, and other emotional issues do not go away.  They are always there in the disordered way our loved ones view the world and themselves.  All we can really do is look to our own activities that actually make things even worse (trying to "fix" or placate them often backfires - not doing either is actually often better).  Overtly defending ourselves from a verbal attack invalidates them, and makes them even more angry.  They need to avoid blame and shame - it's the big hallmark of the disorder.  Being aware of this helps me realize that a lot of the attacks aren't even really about ME - they are about H trying to dump his bad emotions onto me because he can't handle them.  That makes it easier to take less hurt from them. 

Keep posting - writing on here helps me a lot.  I can get thigns out, and the people on here have been in a form of your shoes and won't just dismiss you or minimize the issues you face.