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After years of harassment that is escalating rapidly, my sister said enough is enough and presses charges against xw. I was very pleased to learn my sister has been keeping a record of these verbal assaults,  getting the finger, and constant stocking with the local police department. She has also been keeping a record of all the drive buys she gets from xw's bf. Even Saturday evening at the rink, xw was harassing and mocking my sister and her daughter, only hours after assaulting my sister and her son in the store. Xw's bf even went out of his way to go stand beside my 13 year old niece at the hockey game. I guess xw found someone who is the same age mentally as she is.

My BPD ex was charged with criminal harrassment and disobeying a court order 5 months ago.

Seems to have no affect on him other than to exacerbate the victim mentality, while providing him  yet another stream of enablers and attention/supply sources. Perhaps that is the answer though - perhaps in lieu of dbt therapy he will thrive having various people stand in as the parent and others as the validators/lovers/objects and it will reaffirm in his mind that there is nothing wrong with him that everything happens to him not because of his actions.

Multiple breaches to his recognizance conditions and a few short stints in jail have meant nothing.

The process simply seems to be allowing him to perfect his acting/manipulating skills and perhaps get a temporary fix or adrenaline rush from negative attention as well as don the various  masks that garner him attention and support from those buying into his sob stories, claims of change and the excitement of unwitting enablers at his doing the bare minimum yet again or still... .seems to fill the void or offer up a distraction or validation in between his other escapes.

Ultimately he's the one facing criminal charges and I'm the one dealing with the fallout. He due to the conditions and a protection order which include no contact with our son is free to come and go as he pleases, enlist the validation and support he thrives on and continue to hose everyone that can't see through the charade all while blaming me. And his priority in all this ? Finding NSA sex/Fwb buddy. Not therapy or self reflection or parenting classes.

Likely he will only get a peace bond or other conditions for probation and no real consequences. Hearing the involved parties pretty much downplay his actions in ignoring the no contact condition has left me feeling like they don't appreciate the impact of the  psychological damage as the bar seems to be set at physical violence.   It's been a truly invalidating process  and is just another slap in the face.

He's like a kid in a candy store.

I hope your sisters experience with the criminal justice system is vastly different.

Thank you and sorry to hear you are going through the same. I don't expect any justice out of this and I don't expect Xw to comply. She barley complies with the family court order, she has been verbally warned by family court judge but she pays no mind to that. My sister and I fully expect it to get worse. Xw has a big goon of a BF who she has wrapped around her finger, she I going to use him and I fully expect him to hurt someone. She has been testing her BF for a long time. She all ready fabricated a story about me to her BF and he came after me. His involvement and her harassment has been escalating. She is lining everything up. Everything I said a year ago is coming true. Everything predicted 10 years ago by the first councelor I saw is coming true. He said this is going to get violent, someone is going to get hurt.

It sounds awful.  I hope things settle down

Unfortunately, my own experience of ex wife getting a police caution for assaulting me was that it made her much worse.  I realise that her past behaviour is a predictor of her future behaviour.  And I live my life accordingly.

Thanks ses, it is awful. We don't expect any justice out of this and we do expect things to get worse with xw and her bf.

bb, If you and your sister filed for a Restraining Order, and it is approved by a judge at a hearing, then the people who are stalking and threatening you and your sister will go to jail. That is how it happens where I live. Do not hesitate to use your RO. It may take some people several times to go to jail to make them want to stop bothering you. If you feel that your life is in danger, and they physically harm you and your sis, then by all means, draw your gun, but give them a fair warning first, preferably in front of witnesses. I do hope you and sis carry a gun to protect yourselves.