BPDFamily.com

It has been a while since my ex uBPD partner and I broke up. I have posted on here before. After weeks of no contact he finally agreed to speak to me and I am not sure that it was the right move. After trying everything to make the relationship work, and then trying to move on when he cut me off, I feel I am back at the beginning again. I wanted so much to talk to him either to see if there was any way forward, or to feel closure. But he was just so indifferent and without feeling and twisting all of my rational thoughts and had already been with other women, which he causally threw into the conversation.

I have read a lot of posts on here and many people want to talk again to their exes, to have rational mature discussions, to feel as if the whole relationship was not a figment of their imagination. But the truth is that the discussion we want will not happen. And I am feeling so bruised now. I am not even sure he is BPD, but certainly he has many traits. I just wanted to share how bad I feel after finally making contact with him. I feel as if my whole world is upside down right now and my mind won't rest. For those that yearn for contact, think twice.

Hi K.G.,

I'm really sorry.    I can relate very much to your feelings of wanting that rational conversation, or at least some kind of closure or resolution. Sometimes we can't get that, and it hurts so much.


Your feelings are normal, and your mind is revved up right now, but it will go back to balance. It takes time, though. What are you doing for self-care? It's so important not to abandon ourselves at times like these (I'm referring to myself here, too). Be extra, extra good to yourself and reach out for support like you are doing here.

Is there one small thing you can do today to feel better?

Keep writing and let out your feelings.

heartandwhole

The diagnosis doesn't matter.
If someone is abusive, they are abusive.

In some ways, it would be better if you'd not make contact.
I think for some of us however - it has to happen.

This is not the closure we envisage - it is a form of closure tho. You will probably begin to find a new level of acceptance.
Above all else, it should absolve you of guilt & shame.

Doesn't feel like it I'm sure - but you've have probably just started on the true path to recovery.
It's not easy - at all - but you will make it.

Hey KG,

HANDS UP ON THE BOARD, who feels like you?  We would all have both our hands and probably feet up in the air.     .

I know it's difficult to think you are at the beginning right? But really, with kindness and objectivity, you are seeing yourself being yourself.  A great and open person who chooses not to shut down and walk away.  One person can be that wall holding us back. And today you bumped into that wall. 

His indifference and coldness is his problem. But you can walk around that wall!

Heartandwhole asked about one small thing, but I'm going to ask for two!
Whether it's a special cup of coffee or a walk through a pretty park.

Maybe with that cup coffee in the middle of the park, take a moment and smile? You got this, you really will get through it.