BPDFamily.com

I have just joined this message board.

I am the father of a 17 year old daughter (almost 18) who exhibits most, though not all, of the BPD traits I have read about.  The impacts on my family have - unsurprisingly - been considerable.  I'm not sure how this site works and so will spend some time looking through posts before starting to pose questions.  Just wanted to announce that I am here.

Welcome Scott. I know all too well the impact BPD can have on a family. We too have a D17 and have had our share of ups and downs. The tools / lessons to the right have been helpful along the way... .take your time so you don't get overwhelmed, it's a marathon not a sprint.

Hi Scott1968,  

*welcome*

I'd like to join Bright Day Mom and welcome you to  bpdfamily. You'll probably notice a lot of similarities with your story when your readings posts from different members. It helps to share with people that can relat with you. You're not alone.

I'm looking forward to reading more of your posts.

Hi there   I too have a BPDDD just turned 17 yesterday . We've been through 16 months of absolute hell and still going through the ringer every day . This site has helped me greatly :) one thing I would say , when I first starting reading through all the posts I felt really overwhelmed and  scared because we hadn't reached the depths of horrors that this condition brings to family life at that point and I kept thinking " surely not ! That's not going to happen to us!"  I was reading threads thinking " oh my gosh , how awful ! Thank goodness we don't have it that bad !" Little did I know that we were just in the " emerging " stages and little by little , each horror has come to fruition . Thankfully , because I had done so much reading here, I was probably more prepared than I might have been had I not found this site . Hang on in there , we are all in the ring with you

Hello,

We have been investigating RTCs for our 17 (almost 18) BPDd and also pursuing an outpatient DBT focused program that has a full team to implement.  I am curious about others experience with RTC and outpatient.  In a nutshell, is RTC meaningfully advantageous to a robust outpatient program?  Cost - surprise surprise - is an issue to us, and it seems to me that many programs do not take insurance.  We also have an issue that my daughter has on occasion acted out violently towards herself and others (police were involved as was the emergency department) and some programs I think understandably shy away from the risk involved with this.

I would be surprised if this were not a common topic for this board, so if there is an existing string to which I could be direct in addition to whatever direct responses people would like offer that would be fine.

My daughter has been relatively stable recently but quite inert.  We'd really like to get her the best possible help we can afford.

Many thanks

Hi Scott1968,

I'm glad to hear your D17 is relatively stable. Does she accept her BPD diagnosis?

Lesson 6 to the right includes links to RTC threads that might be useful.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=114267.msg12588412#msg12588412

Lbjtlnx also tells her story with RTC in this thread:

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=120563.msg1188708#msg1188708

Lbjtlnx is the parent who introduced me to the book I Don't Have to Make Everything All Better by the Lundstroms, which teachers the power of asking validating questions.

https://bpdfamily.com/message_board/index.php?topic=273415.msg12586025#msg12586025

Glad you reached out. :)

LnL

Livednlearned,

Thanks for your reply and for the links.  My daughter does accept her diagnosis and when she is at her best really wants to improve.  She is co-diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder (Asperger's type) which is a considerable complicating factor, especially when it come to maturity.  She is more like a 12 year old than an almost 18 year old.  I optimistically hope that in some way it means we have an opportunity to address the BPD while she is younger than her actual chronological age, but who knows... .

We had some really awful times around the holidays and the relative quiet of late has been a relief, although her behaviors still generate chaos and stress within the family.  Each time we have one of these times I hope they will last but to date they have not and so there is the added stress of waiting for the other shoe to fall.

Am talking to a handful of RTCs now so maybe we'll be able to find a place that can help her - she really is a wonderful person at heart - and provide me and the rest of her family with a little space to breathe and grow stronger.  I and others are pretty worn out.

I can see why the co-diagnosis would complicate things.

And while it may seem a small relief, it's great that she accepts her diagnoses!

How does her autism manifest? Does she have sensory issues?

I notice that holidays trigger episodes in SO's D19, and I suspect it's because there is less structure and nothing is routine, plus an increase in social interactions which tend to multiply emotional reactivity. When it's just me and D19, we have a way of relating. It gets more complicated when it's me, D19, and SO. Add D22 or their grandma, and things get exponentially more challenging for D19.

Do you find it helps to prepare D17 in advance when there is going to be a change in routine?

My son (15) was considered at risk and with the help of skills here and a good pdoc and therapist, he is making a lot of improvement. I've had to learn to parent in very different ways. When he is doing something new, we will sit and walk through what to expect, the kinds of feelings he might have, especially around uncertainty, what he can do if he begins to feel overwhelmed, what I will do in response, how long to give something a chance, what kinds of distress tolerance things he can do, etc.