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When do you guys reach that pain threshold that enough is enough with this crap ruining my life I'm done with this crap

Hey statsattack,

I reached that point several times during the last month. My ex wouldn't learn, wouldn't see what her behaviours led to.

And I wouldn't face that the relationship was too broken, too sad, too complicated etc to stay in.

I gave her too many chances when I in fact should have given myself one proper chance to leave and one good reason to stay.

I'm not that long out. Roughly three months. I sometimes feel I'm still there, trapped in the deceptive warmth of her apartment, in her company. It's more than just memory, it feels like trauma.

Now to you, how do you feel?
/Keef

Many have had that moment when we decide enough is enough. It's hard to predict it, but you will know the moment. What's going on that's causing you pain?

For me it's like enough of this nightmare controlling my life and affecting everything I do . I'm fed up that every human is allowed to complain about Trump being ignorant but I can't complain about people lacking common sense who were to stupid to be manipulated by my ex.

This mirrors what I went through. I gave her chance after chance but she kept repeating the same behavior. It slowed down a bit but she still blamed and raged. I knew the relationship was hopeless but soldiered on.  How do I feel? I have a lot of memories some good but a lot of bad. There are a lot of bad feeling mixed in too.

A large gaping hole is in my life now and I feel even more isolated and alone. I'm having to build or rebuild my life after years of centering it around trying to make it all work. I feel like I'm in free fall and am very unsure about  the future. It's been roughly 3 months for me too.

When I realized that I couldn't have a relationship that was healthy enough to be considered worthwhile with my ex. based on what reality had proven to me combined with what I had learned.

When he threatened to intentionally get arrested in front of my children, with absolute disregard for how that would traumatize them.

Isn't that why we hold on to the pain, raise our threshold time after time again, cause the pain we associate with leaving, being alone, having to rebuild  seems actually much worse, cause we are afraid to take charge of our lives again and are unsure that we ever will be "that" happy again?

Very true. The fear of being alone and having to rebuild is what kept me in the relationship. I kept making up excuses to myself on why I still even bothered. In the end I made the choice that it was better to be alone, possibly permanently, that stay and be hurt further.

I had a fear of failure.  I felt responsible for her happiness, in a way.  I notice most of the guys on this board are "nice guys."  Very nice guys.  There is a reason for that, stats... .

When I knew I was ready, I knew.  I waited for her next explosive rage, and when it happened, I told her calmly I was finished and wanted a divorce, then walked away.  She waited three days after the divorce papers were served to her to see if I was lying, then went straight to therapy for the first time in her 36 year old life and got on Prozac.  It helped a little, and I gave her a second chance that lasted four years.  

The resentment I felt at her for those four years was immense and I did nothing to stop it on my own.  I wanted to feel it due to the twelve years of hell she put me through.  Now I am here trying to heal two weeks post-divorce.